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-New York City. Evening. Cut to an apartment building along Woody Allen Ave. Cut to apartment no. 69. Inside the apartment,
is a guy and girl snuggling up to each other in bed. They are watching "Sex and The City." Getting ideas, the guy turns to
the girl suggestively.
Guy: "I don't know about you, baby...but, I'm feeling horny right about now!"
-The girl
turns to the man suggestively.
Girl: "Oh, so am I!"
Guy: "Let's do it!"
Girl: "Yeah!"
-The guy
and girl proceed to creep under the covers...then, they start to moan and groan...they are getting it on!
Guy: "Oh,
Sally!"
Girl: "Oh, Drake!"
Guy: "Oh, Sally!"
Girl: "Oh, Drake!"
-That's when a grungy hockey goalie
breaks through their bedroom door (Crunch!). Disrupted and startled, the horny couple peek from the covers in fright...it
was Jason Voorhees! Jason looks down at them with his one good eye...they were being naughty! Then, he whips out his machete
(Shing!) and approaches their bed. He takes his machete, and swings it at the naughty couple (Swish!).
Girl: "Aaah!"
Guy:
"Nooo!"
-As Jason takes care of the naughty couple (Shing! Shing!), blood splatters onto the TV (Splatter!). On the
TV, "Sex and Society" is just ending and another show is just beginning...
-The words "HORROR TALK: SEASON SIX" appear
on the screen.
CUT TO...
-New York City.
-Woody Allen Ave.
-Pinhead's night club, all the way up Woody
Allen Ave.
-Inside Pinhead's night club, where Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky are having drinks.
(Cue the eerie
"Friday The 13th" theme)
CUT TO...
-Jason raising his glass of Budweiser.
-Jason prevailing, "Cheers to The
Crystal Lake Killer!"
-The words "Starring Jason Voorhees" appearing.
(Cue the eerie "A Nightmare on Elm Street"
theme)
CUT TO...
-Freddy raising his glass of Budweiser.
-Freddy prevailing, "Cheers to The Dream Master!"
-The
words "Freddy Krueger" appearing.
(Cue the eerie "Halloween" theme)
CUT TO...
-Michael raising his glass
of Molson Ice.
-Michael prevailing, "Cheers to The Boogeyman!"
-The words "Michael Myers" appearing.
(Cue the
animated "Good Guys" theme)
CUT TO...
-Chucky raising his glass of Heineken.
-Chucky prevailing, "Sorry,
Jack! Chucky's Back! Heh, heh, heh, heh!..."
-The words "Also starring Chucky" appearing.
(Cue old stock slasher-like
music)
-The words "Created by Duke Nukem" appear.
CUT TO...
-Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead
and Leatherface playing poker.
-Freddy, Jason and Michael having drinks at a table of Pinhead's night club.
-Chucky
and The Tall Man having drinks of their own at a side bar of Pinhead's night club.
-Freddy, Jason and Michael at the movie
theater.
-Freddy and Jason facing each other intensely in their "Freddy vs. Jason" days.
-Ash facing Freddy and Jason
intensely in their "Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash" days.
-Jason and Michael, drunk as hell, facing each other intensely in their
"Big Two" days.
-The words "Edited by Duke Nukem" appear.
CUT TO...
-Jason cheating during poker, by
trying to look at the other players' cards.
-Chucky whipping out his knife (Shing!) and voodoo doll of Jason, "Don't fuck
with the Chuck!"
-The lights going out and hellish chains going at Jason.
-Michael turning to Jason in a threatening
manner and staring him down with his dead-like eyes.
-Leatherface turning to Jason in angry manner, than a hungry manner.
-Freddy
slicing Jason's arm with his claws (Shing!).
-Jason turning away from everybody and looking back at his own cards.
-The
words "Written by Duke Nukem" appear.
CUT TO...
-Michael facing Ghostface intensely in their "Fall 2004" days
at Crystal Lake.
-The revived-and-manipulated Todd facing Jason intensely in their "Fall 2004" days at Crystal Lake.
-Ash
facing Freddy, again, intensely in their "Fall 2004" days at Crystal Lake.
-Michael facing Ghostface in their in their
"Summer 2003" days at the "Pre-Freddy vs. Jason" party.
-Jason and Todd facing four of the F13 heroines, dressed just like
Jason and Todd.
-The "Evil Dead" demon breaking through the cabin and going for Freddy and Ash (...Mwaaaaa!...).
-The
words "Produced by Duke Nukem" appear.
CUT TO...
-Jason playing pranks on Freddy and Michael on the date of
August, Friday The 13th, 2004.
-Michael answering his cell phone only to hear the annoying Ghostface, "What's up?!"
-Freddy
opening his own dream clinic.
-Freddy about to invade a pacients mind, "It's showtime!"
-Chucky trying teach one of
his twins, Tobey, to talk "Fuck, Tobey! Fuck! Say 'Fuck' for me! I know you can!"
-Tobey shying away.
-Malerie, the
other twin, paying attention to her father, "Fffff...fffff...fffff..."
-The words "Directed by Duke Nukem" appear.
CUT
TO...
-Michael fighing off Ghostface in their "Fall 2004" days at Crystal Lake.
-Freddy fighing off Ash in his Ash's
dreamworld, a la the "Evil Dead" creepy woods and cabin.
-Jason fighting off Todd by the offshore of Crystal Lake.
-Michael
fighting off Ghostface in their "Fall 2003" days in the Myers house.
-Ghostface, in their "Fall 2004" days, being demasked
and revealed to be...Kara Strode!
-Ghostface, in their "Fall 2003" days, being demasked and revealed to be...John Tate!
-Jason
sighing and finishing off his now-manipulated son Todd.
-Freddy pinching himself and disappearing from Ash's dream as the
"Evil Dead" demon goes for Ash (...Mwaaaaa!...)
-Jason and Todd each fighting off two of the 4 F13 heroines.
CUT
TO...
-Freddy reaching out to and reassuring his daughter Maggie in the Seinfeld diner, "Oh, Dad!"
-Michael at the
New York State Fair with his young son Stephen.
-Michael's arch-enemy Donald Loomis sighing of frustation as Michael escapes
again, "Michael!"
-Jason honoring the urn containing his Todd's ashes in his old shack deep in the woods of Crystal Lake.
FINALLY
CUT TO...
-Pinhead joining Freddy, Jason, Michael and Chucky at their table at his club.
-Pinhead turning to them
and raising his glass of Miller Light, "Cheers to the Prince of Hell!"
-The words "And starring Pinhead" appearing.
-Freddy,
Jason, Michael, Chucky and Pinhead taking their drinks and gulping their beer...
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