-A moment later, they walk through the hallway to the intended theater room. Upon nearing it, they see three policemen guarding the doors, checking people's I.D.'s.

Freddy Krueger: "I love it when there are policeman checking people's I.D. before a horror movie. It only tells me that the movie is really good and violent!"

Jason Voorhees: "You can say that again!"

-Michael Myers: "I remember police checking people's I.D.'s on the premier of 'Halloween: Resurrection'."

Jason Voorhees: "True that. 'Resurrection' was the shit in the violence department!"

-Policeman #1, who's tag reads the name Kane Hodder, is checking the I.D. of a teenage boy.

Policeman #1: "Sonny, I don't think you can get in."

Teenage boy: "What?! What are you talking about?"
Policeman #1: "You're I.D. reads that you're seventeen. Yet,
you're only 5' 4''."

Teenage boy: "I'm just kind of short, that's all."

Policeman #1: "I don't know about that. How do I know that this isn't a fake I.D.?"

Teenage boy: "You're kidding, right?"

Policeman #1: "Sonny, I'm a police officer. Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Teenage boy: "Well, here's my driver's license. You should see now."

-The teenage boy hands the policeman his driver's license. Policeman #1 looks at it.

Policeman #1: "Looks fake."

-The policeman turns to the other two policemen.

Policeman #1: "Doesn't it fellas?"

-The two other policemen, who's tags read the names of C.J. Graham and Ted White, look at the drivers license.

Policeman #2: "Yep."

Policeman #3: "Looks fake to me."

Teenage boy: "No way. This can't be happening."

Policeman #1: "Well, it is."

-Policeman #1 turns to other two policemen.

Policeman #1: "Take him away."

-The other two policeman grab the teenage boy and start dragging him down the hall.

Teenage boy: "No! This isn't fair! I am seventeen. I am horror fan. I am fan of the original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' This remake has been one of my most anticipated movies this year. You're wrong for doing this!"

Policeman #1: "Better luck next time, sonny."

-Policeman #2 and #3 drag the teenage boy out the back door.

Teenage boy: "Nooo...!"

-Policeman #1 starts laughing in a devious fashion as if he was screwing with the teenage boy the whole time. The two other policeman return to the theater door and laugh in devious fashions with him. Freddy, Jason, and Michael, witnessed the whole incident.

Freddy Krueger: "That was not right."

Jason Voorhees: "Let's take care of them!"

Michael Myers: "Calm down, guys. Let's just keep our cool. Or else, they'll kick us out of theater too."

Jason Voorhees: "Not if I can help it!"

Michael Myers: "Jason, relax! They can't question our I.D.'s anyway. We're all too old to be underage."

-Freddy, Jason, and Michael, start walking up to the door of their theater. Policeman #1 notices them.

Policeman #1: "Hey guys, look's who's coming."

-Policeman #1 points to Freddy, Jason, and Michael.

Policeman #1: "Let's see...Scarface...Puckface...and...Captain Kirk!"

-The policemen laugh. Freddy, Jason, and Michael reach the door.

Policeman #1: "I.D.'s, please."

-Freddy gets out his I.D., and hands it to the policeman. The policeman looks at the I.D.

Policeman #1: "Okay Scarface, you're through.

-The policeman turns to Jason. Jason gets out his I.D. and hands it to the policeman. The policeman looks at the photo of Jason's muggy, deformed, and disgusting face.

Policeman #1: "Eww. Take off your mask."

-Jason sighs and slides off his mask, revealing his muggy, deformed, and disgusting face. A group of girls behind them freak out at the sight of it.

Policeman #1: "Okay, Slimy."

-The policeman turns to Michael. Michael gets out his I.D. and hands it to the policeman. The policeman looks at the photo.
Policeman #1: "Take off your mask."

-Michael sighs and takes off his mask, revealing his handsome, unscarred, and unburned face. The girls behind them flinch at his handsome face.

Policeman #1: "Okay, Prettyface."

-Policeman #1 gives Michael back his I.D., and Michael goes ballistic on him. He grabs the policeman by his neck, lifts him, and threatens to strangle him. The other two policemen try to attack Michael, but Freddy and Jason grab them and hold them back.

Michael Myers: "You take that back right now!"

Policeman #1: "Or what? You'll kill me?"

Michael Myers: "Again, take that back right now!"

-The policeman is coughing from Michael's hold.

Policeman #1: "Who do you think you are? I'm a policeman. I can do anything I want."

Jason Voorhees: "I don't about that. You're talking to the boogeyman, here!"

Freddy shrugs.

Jason Voorhees: "He's right."

Policeman #1: "Is this a joke? Let me down now!"

Michael Myers: "I'll say it one more time. Take it back. NOW!"

Jason Voorhees: "I'd follow his advice. I've seen him break people's necks plenty of times."

Freddy Krueger: "It's true. And, it isn't a pretty sight."

-The policeman coughs more from Michael's hold. He's about to yap back at when he sees Michael's deadlike eyes staring him down.

Policeman #1: "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry. I take it back."

-Michael drops the policeman, and the policeman drops to the floor. He gets up shakened.

Michael Myers: "You'll also want to apoligize to my friends."

Policeman #1: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I called you guys, Scarface and Slimy."

Michael Myers: "Good. Now, you'll send your men to fetch back that teenage boy you wrongly kicked out."

Policeman #1: "I will! I will!"

-The policeman turn to the two other policemen.

Policeman #1: "Get back that boy."

Policemen #2 and #3: "Okay!"

-Freddy and Jason let go of policeman #2 and #3, they go run down to the back door to catch up with the teenage boy. Michael turns to the policeman one more time.

Michael Myers: "It looks like we're finished here."

-Michael leads Freddy and Jason into the theater room. The policeman is about to report them, when Michael suddenly turns back to him in a menacing fashion. The policman flinches. Michael starts back into the theater.

Freddy Krueger: "And, you said to stay cool!"

Michael Myers: "Whatever."

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, I think what you did was really cool!"

Michael Myers: "Thanks."

-Freddy, Jason, and Michael, look up to the football stadium seating of the theater. It's nearly filled up, but there were seats aplenty on the top rows. They start up the stairs. As they walk up, they notice Chucky and Tiffany in the middle rows. As usual, they are fighting.

Tiffany: "I still don't understand why you're making us see this."

Chucky: "I'm not making you see it. You didn't even have to come. I wanted to see this."

Tiffany: "But, Emily shouldn't be seeing this kind of movie."

Chucky: "What did I tell you before..."

-Freddy, Jason, and Michael, laugh at Chucky's and Tiffany's bickering.

Freddy Krueger: "I understand now why Chucky now so unhappy."

Jason Voorhees: "Geez, Tiffany's a bitch!"

Michael Myers: "Jason, don't say that! She's only concerned. But, I think their behavior is normal...for a couple of some sort. There's going to be be fighting like that between with guy and girl."

Freddy Krueger: "True that. Before I became the dream master, I argued a lot with my wife. My daughter, Maggie, often got upset over it. Especially when..."

-Freddy, Jason, and Michael, are sitting down in the middle of the top row, when the teenage boy comes up to them.

Teenage boy: "Hey, are you the guys that taught that cop a lesson?"

Michael Myers: "Yes, that was us."

Teenage boy: "Cool. Some girls told me that you almost strangled that guy."

Freddy Krueger: "Yes, he did."

Jason Voorhees: "And, he would have taken care of him if he had to."

Teenage boy: "Well, thanks a lot. Now, I get to see one of my most anticipated movies of the year. To think, those ignorant cops would have spoiled it for me, if it weren't for you guys."

Freddy Krueger: "Well, we were just glad that we could help you. We saw him interrogate you that time with the I.D.'s. It wasn't right."

Teenage boy: "Well, actually they really are fake."

Michael Myers: "Oh, well..."

Teenage boy: "But, they were my only way in to see this movie."

Michael Myers: "Well, I guess I understand."

Jason Voorhees: "What was your other most anticipated movies of the year?"

Teenage boy: "'Final Destination 2' and...'Freddy vs. Jason'!"

Jason Voorhees: "I knew it! I knew you had to be a horror fan!"

Teenage boy: "And, 'Freddy vs. Jason' was awesome!"

Jason Voorhees: "So true, man! So true!"

Freddy Krueger: "I second that!"

Teenage boy: "I also had to use those fake I.D.'s to get into 'Final Destination 2' and 'Freddy vs. Jason'."

Freddy Krueger: "Then, you're off the hook! I totally understand where you come from. You love these violent movies and have the maturity to handle them, yet the age rating goes against you!"

Teenage boy: "I know! It totally sucks!"

Michael Myers: "Well, it's nice to meet a horror fan with determination."

Teenage boy: "Yeah, I like your movies as well. Although, that last one wasn't that great."

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I know."

Teenage boy: "I mean, Moustapha Akkad is totally messing up the 'Halloween' storyline by ignoring the storyline from 'Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers' to 'Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers.' They're only upsetting the die-hard fans who bothered to keep up with that storyline to begin with. That storyline didn't have to ignored in order for the 'Halloween' series to keep going."

Michael Myers: "I know! That's what I keep telling Akkad, but he never listens to me anymore. He's just using me in order to bank more money!"

Teenage boy: "That totally sucks! What's worse is that he may do 'Helloween'."

Michael Myers: "Actually, I don't know what he has to say about that. He hasn't shown up to meetings with Dimension."

Teenage boy: "Dimension totally sucks!"

Michael Myers: "Agreed."

 

-Suddenly, the lights darken a little in the theater. The teenage boy sits next to Michael. On the screen, is the first of many annoyances to start before the movie begins - the anti-piracy ad!

Anti-piracy ad (On the screen is an older, disgruntled actor): "Like everyone else on earth, I work in order to make money..."

Freddy Krueger: "No shit!"

-Jason and the teenage boy laugh at Freddy's remark.

Anti-piracy ad: "...I do the best job I can in every movie I'm in. I memorize my lines, get into character..."

Jason Voorhees: "Blah, blah, blah!"

Anti-piracy ad: "...And, most importantly, do my job."

Teenage boy: "No shit!"

-Freddy, Jason, and Michael, laugh at the teenage boy's remark.

Anti-piracy ad: "...I work, so that I can provide for myself, my family..."

Jason Voorhees: "Blah, blah, blah!"

Anti-piracy ad: "...And, as well for my child, who's in custody of my bitchy ex-wife..."

Michael Myers: "Isn't that a little too personal?!"

Anti-piracy ad: "...Frankly, what gets in the way of that is the pirating of my movies..."

Freddy Krueger: "Finally, the bottom line!"

Anti-piracy ad: "...And, I don't like it one bit! I work for my money. I earn every cent of it. I'm now making one percent less money then usual..."

Michael Myers: "Am I supposed to care?!"

Anti-piracy ad: "...All becuase of the pirating of my movies. My message to everyone..."

-Everybody in the audience turns to the guy in middle isle, taping the movie with the a video camera.

Anti-piracy ad: "...Stop fucking pirating my movies!..."

-The guy turns to everyone around him.

Guy: "Shall I tape more?"

-Everyone in the audience laughs with him at the disgruntled actor's ranting and complaining.

Anti-piracy ad: "...Thank you."

Teenage boy: "Man, these anti-piracy ads get worse all the time!"

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I know. That particular one only makes want to pirate a movie!"

-On the screen is now the first commercial.

Commercial #1 (people are dancing around showing off their underwear): Guy: "I'm dancing around like like a fool, because of my underwear, HANES underwear mind you..."

Freddy Krueger: "Oh...my..."

Commercial #1 (people continue dancing around showing off their underwear): Girl: "Yeah, HANES' new line of underwear is so comfortable, it makes me want dance it off!"

Jason Voorhees: "Ugh!"

Commercial #1 (Guy and girl are now dancing together, as the rest of the freaks are dancing around them forming a circle): Guy and girl: "We like our Hanes underwear and hope you'll like yours too..."

Michael Myers: "The horror! The horror!"

Commercial #1 (Guy and girl are still dancing together as the rest of the freaks dance around them, now forming the HANES sign): "We are dancing like fools because our comfortable HANES underwear, and hope that you will be too!" (the horrible commercial finally ends showing the freaky dancers forming the HANES sign).

Teenage boy: "That was the gayest commercial I ever saw!"

Jason Voorhees: "So true!"

-The second commercial starts.

Commercial #2: Cheery music is played as a man is going through his routine at his apartment. Then, his his girlfriend slaps him and dumps him.

Jason Voorhees: "What a bitch!"

Commercial #2: Then, the guy drives to work and somebody crashes his car.

Freddy Krueger: "That sucks!"

Commercial #2: The man arrives late to work, because of the car accidend and is fired.

Michael Myers: "This guy is not having a good day."

Commercial #2: The man goes back to his apartment, only to find out that his superintendent is evicting him.

Teenage boy: "I would so hate to be in that guy's shoes."

Commercial #2: Finally, the man steps out his apartment sighing and depressed. That's when he sees a Volkswagon convertible driving by...and he smiles like nothing was ever wrong. The commercial ends on that note, showing off the Volkswagon Beetle.

Michael Myers: "I've enjoyed Volkswagon's misleading commercials, but that is just too misleading for it's own good!"

-The third commercial is about to begin, but the theater worker, in the back room with the film, fast-forwards through it. Everyone in the audience claps and applauds his actions. The lights in the theater darken more and the first preview starts.

Preview #1 (A narrorator is heard while a cabin with beautiful countryside is shown): "Steven Seagal is back..."

Freddy Krueger: "Ugh."

Preview #1 (the preview pans closer to the cabin): "...Again..."

Freddy and Michael: "Ugh!"

Preview #1 (The preview pans much closer to the cabin): "...In another action extravaganza!"

Jason Voorhees: "Cool!"

Preview #1 (the preview cuts to inside the camera showing Steven Seagal, while looking fat, answering the his cell phone): S.S.: "Hello, Steven, I mean Jake Roberts, speaking."

-Everybody in the audience laughs at Steven Seagal's obvious blooper.

Preview #1 (the preview cuts to John Trovolta at a Military base; Trovolta's face looks suspiciously round): J.T.: "Lt. Smithers here. I'll cut right to the chase. I need you back for one more mission"; S.S.: "I told you before. I'm a retired as a Mercenary. I've already went back to help you five times!"; J.T.: "I thought you'd say that. Otherwise, come back...or else!"; S.S.: "Or else what?": J.T.: "Or else, you won't hear from your wife and daughter again!"; Steven Seagal hears his wife and daughter call for help in the background of the phone call; Stephen Seagal wrinkles up his fat face in anger: "Nooo...!"

Michael Myers: "Oh my gosh!"

Preview #1: A series of action scenes follow with Steven Seagal fighting John Travolta's henchmen. None of Steven Seagal's actions below his waist are shown, all in order to conceil his weight.

Freddy Krueger: "Looks like Stevie boy has had one too many trips to Dunkin Donuts!"

Preview #1: More action scenes are shown with Steven Seagal fighting John Travolta's henchmen. These ones show more of supposedly Steven Seagal, but it is way obvious that is really a stunt double.

Freddy Krueger: "Oh, Steven Seagal, where art though?"

Michael Myers: "I can't believe Seagal sinking this low."

Preview #1: Steven Seagal is shown reuniting with his wife; S.S.: "I'm sorry, Kelly, I mean, Justine! I can't believe this happened!"

-Everyone in the audience laughs at Steven Seagal's obvious blooper.

Preview #1: Steven Seagal, looking fat, is facing John Trovolta, with his round face; S.S: "You're going down for this!"; J.T.: "I don't know about about that. I still have your daughter! She's trapped somewhere in this Military base with a bomb strapped to her chest. The clock is ticking!"; Steven Seagal hears his daughter calling for help through John Trovolta's cell phone; Steven Seagal wrinkles up his fat face in anger: "Nooo...!"

Michael Myers: "I can't take anymore of this awful, cliched preview! The mercy!"

Preview #1: Steven Seagal is shown finding his daughter in one of the rooms with the bomb strapped to her chest. He struggles to pick which wire to cut; S.S.: "The red wire...the white wire, the blue wire...I swear, I'll get you out of this Katherine, I mean Judy!"

-The audience laughs at Steven Seagal's obvious blooper, but less enthusiastically.

Preview #1: Steven Seagal, looking fat, is facing John Trovolta, with his round face, around a ring of fire; S.S.: "Now, you're going down for this!"; J.T.: "I still don't know about that. I have your newborn son! You failed to notice that Kelly, I mean Justine, was pregnant because you spent too much time at Dunkin Donuts!"

-The audience laughs less enthusiastically at John Trovolta's blooper, but laughs more at his dead-on joke concerning Steven Seagal's weight.

Preview #1: Steven Seagal, still looking fat, faces John Trovolta, still with his round face; J.T.: "As always, I have your son trapped to in this military base with a bomb strapped to him!"; Steven Seagal wrinkles up his fat face in anger: "Nooo...!"

-Michael covers his eyes in horror.

Preview #1: Steven Seagal, still looking fat as ever, is still facing John Trovolta, with of course his round face; J.T.: "Just kidding! He's right here behind me!"; John Trovolta pulls out a baby carriage from behind him; S.S.: "This time, you're going down for this!"; J.T.: "Can't you come up with better lines?!"

Jason Voorhees: "Ugh! I like my action movies dumb, but not this dumb!"

Preview #1 (The preview shows Steven Seagal finally fighting John Trovolta, of course not showing any of his actions below his waist, as a narrarator is heard: "Steven Seagal..."

Freddy Krueger: "Ugh!"

Preview #1 (The preview shows more of suppposedly Steven Seagal fighting John Trovolta in the ring of fire, though it's obvious that they are both really stunt doubles): "...John Trovolta..."

Michael Myers: "Oh, thank goodness Johnny has 'The Punisher' to rely on next year!"

Preview #1 (Steven Seagal is shown, while wrinkling his fat face in determination, about to kick John Travolta off the roof of the Military base; S.S.: "NOW, you're going DOWN for this!"): "...Ex-Mercenary!"; The preview finally and mercifully ends, though not before spoiling John Travolta's obvious death, as he falls from the top of the Military base; J.T.:"Nooo...!"

Michael Myers: "Ugh. I barely survived that awful preview."

Freddy Krueger: "The movie looks way worse than his recent straight-to-video flicks, 'The Foreigner' and 'Out For a Kill'."

Jason Voorhees: "I enjoyed those movies, but I have to admit, this movie looks bad!"

-Michael sighs noticing that the awful preview scared away the teenage boy. His seat is empty. The second preview starts.

Preview #2: A woman is shown at an airport on her cell phone; Woman: "Hey mom! I should be home in a couple of hours. I'm bringing home a surprise!"; The mother is shown at home putting a Thanksgiving turkey in the oven; Mother: "It's not another of your stinky boyfriend, is it?"; Woman: "Oh, mother!").

Michael Myers: "This looks promising."

Preview #2 (Narraration is heard just as the woman hangs up on her mother and turns to her new boyfriend; Woman: "Don't worry, she'll like you."): "If you thought that Thanksgiving holiday was reserved for dysfunctional family dramas..."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, boy!"

Preview #2 (A killer dressed in a turkey suit with an ax is shown): "...You were wrong!..."

Michael Myers: "Oh my gosh!"

Preview #2 (The killer is shown axing the mother): "...DEAD wrong!"

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, cool!"

Preview #2: The killer is shown killing off the woman's family. The brother finds himself tied to the table and whimpers when the killer cuts open his stomach if he/she was cutting upen a turkey. Blood sprays like crazy. The killer shoves the sister into the oven and cooks her (Sister: "Aaargh...!").

-Jason flinches as if he's getting boner.

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, my! Oh, my, my, my..."

Preview #2: The woman is shown on the airplane talking to her boyfriend; Boyfriend: "Are you sure about this? You're mother didn't sound very happy."; Woman: "Once she meets you, she'll understand why I love you so much"; The woman and her boyfriend kiss.

Jason Voorhees: "Blah, blah, blah!"

Preview #2: The killer is shown killing more of the woman's family. He/she decapitates the father, leaving the dripping blood to leak into the open turkey as gravy. The killer controls the electronic wheelchair-bound Grandfather via remote control, leaving him stuck in the open road. He screams as a truck is about to squash him (Grandfather: "Aaah...!"), leaving his brains splattered on the windshield.

Jason Voorhees: "I can't believe it! This movie's going to be awesome!"

Preview #2: The woman and her boyfriend are shown arriving to her family's home, only to find it empty. She smells something stinky from the turkey and cuts it open, only to reveal the eyeballs, guts, hearts, etc., of her family within the cooked turkey. The woman screams. Then, she sees the killer, of course dressed in turkey suit, pop up and kill her boyfriend. She screams and stupidly runs up the stairs, leaving the killer turkey to chase her up. The screen fades to black revealing the gruesomely assembled title: "Thanksgiving."

Michael Myers: "Oh my gosh!"

Jason Voorhees: "I so want to see that!"

Freddy Krueger: "I can't believe it. Hollywood has officially run out of ideas for slasher movies!"
Michael Myers: "Well, there's still Easter!"

Jason Voorhees: "Man, oh man. They're finally doing it! They're finally doing a Thanksgiving-set slasher movie! I've waited for this so long!"

Michael Myers: "Looks really cheesy."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, I know! I love cheesy slasher movies!"
Freddy Krueger: "I'm not so crazy about ultra-cheesy slasher movies."

-The third previews starts.

Preview #3 (Narraration is heard as a psychiatrist, Halle Berry in a woman's ward is trying to reach out to a pacient, Penelope Cruz; H.B.: "You're crazy!"; PC: "No, I'm not!"; H.B.: "Yes, you are! You're crazy! That's why you're here in this nut house!"; PC: "No! I can't be! Argh!"): "She was trained, she was taught, she was sane..."

Michael Myers: "Halle Berry...Penelope Cruz...oh, I think I know what this is."

Preview #3: Halle Berry is driving when she almost crashes into a woman on the street that comes out of nowhere. She crashes her car, gets out, and goes over to the woman. She sees the woman's face and starts to freak out as if it were the face of Michael Jackson.

Michael Myers: "'Gothika!' That's right. I heard about this."

Preview #3 (Narration is heard as Halle Berry wakes up in a cell in the women's ward. A fellow psychiatrist, Robert Downey Jr., is trying to reach out to her; R.D.jr.: "You're crazy!"; H.B.: "No, I'm not!"; R.D.jr.: "Yes, you are! You're crazy! That's why you're here in this crazy house!"; H.B.: "No! I can't be crazy! Argh!"): "...Then, she turned out nuts, crazy, insane..."

Freddy Krueger: "This could be pretty mediocre."

Preview #3 (Narration is heard as Halle Berry is haunted by a ghost, who's very similar to the woman on the road, and is consulted by Penelope Cruz; P.C.: "You're crazy!"; H.B.: "No, I'm not!"; P.C.: "Yes, you are!" You're crazy! Just like me! That's why you're here in this nut house!"; H.B.: "No! I can't be crazy! There's that ghost girl."): "...Or wasn't she?..."

Michael Myers: "Okay, this could either turn out mediocre or as a genuine surprise."

Preview #3: Halle Berry is shown trying to escape from the woman's ward and running away, trying to prove her innocense. As she does, she is frequently scared off by the darn ghost girl.

Michael Myers: "Hmm...this could be good."

Preview #3 (Narration is told as Halle Berry is back at the women's ward being lectured by Robert Downey Jr. and Penelope Cruz; R.D.jr: "You're crazy!"; H.B.: "No, I'm not! It's the ghost girl!"; P.C.: "Now, you're crazier!"; H.B.: "I'm not crazy at all! I'm innocent and I'm sane!"; R.D.jr: "No, you aren't! You're crazy! You're nuts in the head!"; P.C.: "That's right! Just like me!"; H.B.: "No! I can't be crazy! Argh!"): "...Gothika!"

Freddy Krueger: "Meeeediocre!"

Michael Myers: "Could be a genuine surprise."

Jason Voorhees: "Looks promising."

-The lights darken completely and the movie begins to start. That's when Tiffany starts going in, what seems be, labor.

Tiffany: "Chucky, I think I'm in labor!"

Chucky: "You can't be. You're not nine months pregnant yet!"

Tiffany: "Then, I must be having contractions. We must go to the hospital!"

Chucky: "Now?! The movie just started!"

Tiffany: "Chucky, we have have go. Now!"

-A movie-goer stands up and turns to Chucky and Tiffany.

Movie-goer: "Hey, leave the movie already and or just the fuck shut up!"

-Tiffany starts to tear up.

Tiffany: "Don't talk curse around our baby!"

-Chucky turns to the movie-goer in a threatening manner.

Chucky: "Hey, don't EVER fucking talk to her like that again...or else!"

-The movie-goer is shakened and sits back down. Tiffany wipes the tears from her eyes.

Tiffany: "Chucky, don't curse around our baby!"

Chucky: "Oh, I'm sorry. Let's go."

-Chucky and Tiffany start to leave the theater. That's when Chucky suddenly turns around and turns to the movie-goer once more in a threatening manner. The movie-goer flinches. Chucky catches up with Tiffany on the way out of the theater.

Freddy Krueger: "Wow!"

Jason Voorhees: "Did you see how Chucky stand up for Tiffany? That was good!"

Michael Myers: "Looks like Chucky is starting to get change of heart."

-Everyone is now in peace watching the beginning of "The Chainsaw Massacre."

 

Later on, it's towards the end of the movie when Jessica Biel is being chased by Leatherface. Michael turns to Freddy.

Michael Myers: "You know, this is pretty good."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, not bad."

-Jason is flinching as if he's having a boner.

Jason Voorhees: "I'm loving this movie. Dare I say better than the original?"

Michael Myers: "I wouldn't tell Leatherface that!"

TCM movie: Jessica Biel is now hiding from Leatherface in the old mill. A buzzing from a chainsaw can now be heard. Strangely, Jessica Biel does not respond to it.

Jason Voorhees: "What's up with that?"

Freddy Krueger: "I don't know. Bad acting?

Michael Myers: "It can't be. She's has been doing too good to mess up now."

TCM movie: More buzzing from a chainsaw is heard, yet Jessica Biel is just sitting unflinched.

Michael Myers: "Maybe its a flaw made by a technition."

Jason Voorhees: "It better not be! I want to see the end of this!"

TCM movie: Now, the buzzing is way too loud to be part of the movie. It sounded...real. Freddy, Jason, and Michael, all turn to eathother.

Freddy, Jason, and Michael: "Leatherface!"

-That's when the movie screen starts to fall apart down the center as a chainsaw cuts through it. Leatherface walks through cutting up more of the movie screen. Freddy, Jason, and Michael, look in shocked awe.

Freddy Krueger: "He was actually serious! He is going to cause a massacre!"

Jason Voorhees: "Cool!"

-People in the audience scream and start to run out of the theater. Some make it past Leatherface, but others aren't so lucky. Buzzing and whimpering screaming can be heard.

Michael Myers: "We better get out of here!"

Jason Voorhees: "Shouldn't we stop Leatherface?"

-More people are making it past Leatherface, while others aren't making it. More buzzing and whimpering screaming can be heard. There's also blood sprinkling and splattering all over the floor and movie-goers.

Michael Myers: "No, it's too late. We won't be able to get through to him."

Freddy Krueger: "How do you know?"

Michael Myers: "Remember when executives at New Line stupidly greenlit, 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation'?"

-Having chainsawed half the people in the bottom rows, Leatherface goes for the people in the middle rows. Some of the people climb over seats to get away from an angry Leatherface. Others aren't so lucky. More buzzing and whimpering screaming can be heard as blood sprinkles and splatters the seats and movie-goers.

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah?"

Michael Myers: "Leatherface realized that he was stuck in a horrible movie, and that there was nothing he could do. Towards the end of its filming, the executives were found horribly chainsawed. I kept trying to stop him and calm him down, but nothing worked. Ultimately, he blamed it all on Grandpa!"

Freddy Krueger: "You mean the one they don't feed in TCM 3 and 4?"

Michael Myers: "Yeah! He's serving life now."

-Leatherface, having chainsawed nearly everyone in the middle isles, starts toward the top. A movie-goer tries to climb over a seat in order to get away from Leatherface, but he trips leaving his back exposed. Leatherface takes advantage of the opportunity and chainsaws him in half. Blood splatters all over the seats. Jason looks at and admires Leatherface's handiwork.

Jason Voorhees: "Whoa!"

-Freddy and Michael look at the havok caused at the hands of Leatherface and his chainsaw. Leatherface is finishing up chainsaw the remaining movie-goers on top rows. He sees Freddy, Jason, and Michael.

Leatherface: "You...you...and you! You guys said you weren't going!"

Michael Myers: "Um..."

Freddy Krueger: "Well..."

-Jason shrugs.

Jason Voorhees: "Great handiwork!"

-Leatherface turns to them in a threatening manner and starts up his chainsaw.

Freddy, Jason and Michael, start running down to the end of the top row. Freddy and Michael make it and start down the isle, but Jason trips and tumbles down a couple of seats. Leatherface walks over the seats to where Jason is. He's about to chainsaw him when Michael runs down the row and rams him. Leatherface falls back dropping his chainsaw. The chainsaw, still running, clips his leg a bit.

Leatherface: "Argh!"

-Leatherface gets up, limping his wounded leg about to attack Michael. That's when Jason gets up and attacks him. Jason and Leatherface tumble down the iasle fighting. Freddy and Michael catch up with Leatherface and Jason at the bottom of the isle and take Jason with them. Freddy, Jason, and Michael, make it out of the theater just before policemen with tranquilizer guns storm in. Leatherface gets up as he sees the policemen with the tranquilizers. The policeman look in shock at the bloody carnage in the theater.

Policeman: "Sto...Stop now with your hands up!"

-Leatherface starts up the steps leading up to the one middle isle, where his chainsaw was left. That's when a policeman shoots leatherface with a tranquilizer.

Leatherface: "Argh!"

-Leatherface contiues up the steps, not yet losing his self-balance. All the policemen join in and start shooting tranquizers at Leatherface. Leatherface takes it, slowly losing his self-balance. Nearing the intended row, Leatherface slows down as the tranquilizers are starting to take him down.

Policeman: "He's losing it! Keep getting him!"

-Policeman shoot more tranquilizers at Leatherface, as he looses more self-balance. The tranquilizers his back, and often his butt.

Leatherface: "Argh! Argh! Argh!"

-Finally, Leatherface really loses it and desperately tries reaching the final row. He takes one more step...and falls. He falls back, tumbling down the steps and eventually stops at the bottom laying unconscious. The policemen look in bewilderment at the number of tranquilizers it took to get him. Meanwhile, Freddy, Jason, and Michael wait outside the theater as police surround the scene. They watch as it appears that many policemen struggle to pull something out of the theater entrance...Leatherface! Seven Policemen struggle to pull the heavy lug to a police car.

Jason Leatherface: "They actually got him!"

Michael Myers: "It probably took a lot of tranquilizers to put him to sleep!"

Freddy Krueger: "He's probably not finished yet. He'll come around in a little while...possibly at the police station."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, and another bloody massacre would ensue!"

Michael Myers: "I don't know about that. Unlike us, Leatherface is actually a human being. He's not a supernatural dreamstalker, zombie, or boogeyman. He's just a perverted cannibal!"

Freddy Krueger: "True. But, I have a feeling that this isn't over yet. I've seen Leatherface in action, and he doesn't give up that early."

Michael Myers: "We'll see."

-The seven policemen finally pull Leatherface to the police car. Upon reaching it, they turn him over and handcuff him. Another policeman walks out of the theater, with Leatherface's chainsaw. He reaches the same car, pops open the trunk, grabs a big bag, and slips in the chainsaw as evidence.

Jason Voorhees: "You know, as cool as it was to see Leatherface at work, I really wanted to see the end of the movie!"

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I know. I hate to see movies incomplete."

Freddy Krueger: "I can't believe that he really did it. He really caused a massacre on the premier of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' remake!"

Michael Myers: "I don't blame him. I would have done the same."

Jason Voorhees: "I would have loved to see that!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, but last week, we already saw Mikey in action, you know, at his surprise party."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, yeah!"

Freddy Krueger: "And, we were unable to overpower him too."

Michael Myers: "I keep telling you guys...I'm pure evil. You can't mess with the boogeyman!"

-The seven policeman struggle to lift up Leatherface and stuff him in the back of the police car. Finally, three more policemen assist them. They all at once pick up the hulking mass of Leatherface slowly and start pushing him in. They maintain their hold and stuff the rest him in. His head knocks against the window. One of the policeman slams the door, and they all crack their backs as if they were tired from lifting weights. Two of the policemen sit in the front seats of the police car and start driving the away.

Michael Myers: "Well, it looks like the show is over. Let's go."

-That's when the paramedics arrive in an ambulance. A paramedic gets out and meets up with a policeman.

Paramedic: "Alright, we're here. Where's the scene of crime?"

-The policeman, still shocked from seeing the bloody carnage, points to inside the theater.

Paramedic: "Okay, how many dead?"

-The policeman, with his his shocked expression, again points to the inside of the theater.

Paramedic: "Okay, how bad is it?"

-The policeman, with his shocked expression, once more points to the inside of the theater. The paramedic finally shrugs and just goes into the theater. Freddy and Michael start to leave, but stop Jason stays there watching.

Freddy Krueger: "Jason, aren't you coming?"

Jason Voorhees: "I'll see you guys later. I want to wait and watch the paramedics take out the bodies!"

Michael Myers: "You sure?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. After my own massacres, I like hide and watch paramedics carry away my work. The looks on their faces are priceless!"

Freddy Krueger: "Hey, I'll stay and watch with you!"

Michael Myers: "It's alright. I'll pass."

-Michael shrugs and starts heading for his Corvette. Meanwhile, the two policemen drive Leatherface to the police station. Their tags read the names of Gunner Hanson and Andrew Bryniarski.

Policeman #1: "How many tranquilizer darts did it take to put that guy down?"

Policeman #2: "I don't know. Uh, say about 30?"

Policeman #1: "I think it was more than that."

Policeman #2: "Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. That piece of shit back there is can't be human."

-Leatherface groggily awakens in the back of the back seat.

Policeman #1: "No, he's human. He's just high on steroids or something."

Policeman #2: "He must have been. Did you see what he did?"

Policeman #1: "Yeah, but it didn't shock me that much. Just a couple of weeks ago, I saw a crime scene at a McDonald's. It wasn't a pretty sight. The civilains there were killed more gruesomely. Thirty policemen surrounded the suspect apparently, and they didn't fare any better."

-Leatherface, still laying down tries to move his hands around, but finds them handcuffed behind him. He struggles to break them loose.

Policeman #2: "Really? Was the suspect captured?"

Policeman #1: "No, he got away. His vehicle was left over though."

Policeman #2: "Then, you should have been to find him through that, right?"

Policeman #1: "Yes, usually. But he never registered buying the vehicle. Whether he bought it or stole it is unknown."

-Leatherface continues to struggle to break loose the handcuffs. The policemen finally notice.

Policeman #1: "Well, look at that!"

Policeman #2: "How's he already awake?"

Policeman #1: "Hell, I don't know. Maybe he really is on steroids!"

-Leatherface contiues to struggle to break loose from the handcuffs.

Leatherface: "Argh!"

-The policemen laugh at Leatherface. Finally, Leatherface, with his own muscular human strength, finally breaks the handcuffs loose.

Policeman #1: "Hey!"

-Leatherface grabs the policemen's heads and knocks them together. The driver looses control of the car and crashes into a pole along the side of the street. Leatherface kicks one of the back doors and steps outs. Both the policeman are knocked out. Leatherface goes to the back of the police car, and with his mighty strength, rips off the trunk. There, he reaches for his weapon...his chainsaw! He tears his chainsaw from the evidence bag. He proceeds to walk up to the front car and jump front on top. Looking at the unconscious policemen, he starts up his chainsaw. The policemen wake up shakenend and frightened. That's when Michael drives by in his Corvette.

Michael Myers: "Oh my gosh!"

-Michael turns looks around quickly seeing Leatherface making full use of his chainsaw.

Michael Myers: "Oh my gosh! Well, I guess Leatherface really wasn't finished yet. He had to finish his massacre with a bang!"

-Leatherface, finished up with policemen, jumps off the front of the car and looks around. In a sense of joy, he starts running his chainsaw and moving around like crazy. After his massacre, he was doing his chainsaw dance!

THE END