-Freddy laughs. Jason laughs with him.

Jason Voorhees: "Those were the best of times!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah!"

Jason Voorhees: "So, anyway, now we get back from shooting, fight, and are ready to kill eachother."

Freddy Krueger: "And, the shooting is for 'Freddy vs. Jason'."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh my gosh. Our own movie is turning us into the monsters we are in our movies."

Freddy Krueger: "And, in real life."

Jason Voorhees: "Whatever. You know, we should do what we normally would do after shooting. I'm going to get us some beer!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah!"

-Jason walks off to get the beer.

Freddy Krueger: "Get me budweiser!"

Jason Voorhees: "I know!"

-Jason runs off to get the beer. Jason comes back with the beer.

Freddy Krueger: "So really, why does a little `ol movie like 'Freddy vs. Jason' keep doing this to us? It started tearing us apart in the late-80's when the rumors of the 'Freddy vs. Jason' concept first started and in the late-90's when New Line Cinema first finally started to do something about it."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, what do you think? It's not like a versus movie revolving around us would have a happy ending with us singing Kumbaia!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah..."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, look at this way. We are two of the biggest horror icons of the 80's horror rush. Michael was there too, but he wasn't able to do much for most of those years. He came back for the first 'Halloween' sequel in 1981 and finally returned in 1988. In between those years, we ruled. I had a 'Friday The 13th' movie almost every year in that time and the whole decade."

Freddy Krueger: "And, I first surfaced in 1984, just when your fourth 'Friday' movie was out."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. That was when we first met at that year's Horror Convention, and became good buddies."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah. We got our own pad and threw the biggest parties in the neighborhood!"

Jason Voorhees: "Toga! Toga!"

Freddy Krueger: "And, those toga parties were a blast!"

Jason Voorhees: "We supported eachother those years. Paramount screwed me over in 1985 for 'A New Beginning,' but I was always there at the set of 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge' to make sure everything was cool."

Freddy Krueger: "And, when New Line took their time with my 'Nightmare' series in `86, I was there at the set of 'Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives."

Jason Voorhees: "And in 1987, when the freakin' MPAA were cutting 'Friday The 13th Part VII: A New Blood' to shreds in the editing room, I was there at the set of 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Worriars'."

Freddy Krueger: "Those also were the best of times."
Jason Voorhees: "Yeah."

Freddy Krueger: "Remember all the pranks I pulled on cast and crew on every set?

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, they were hilarious!"

Freddy Krueger: "In those late nights when most of the night scenes for 'Jason Lives' were filmed, the film crew would get tired and fall asleep at the cameras. And, I gave them nightmares they would never forget!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, those instances were hilarious! They would wake up scream distracting the cast and crew. Everybody was kind of tired filming late at night, so those instances refreshed everybody."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, they were great!"

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, and remember the constant takes the actors had with your first two 'Nightmare' sequels? They messed up their lines so much, it was embarrassing. Those takes had to do with me. I would slip off my mask and scare the actors or make faces distracting them in the most important scenes. Of course, that was when the crew weren't looking. And, I would quickly slip my mask back on."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, you got Heather Langenkamp good in 'Dream Worriars'. I sometimes wonder if your presence is what affected her performance in it."

Jason Voorhees: "Possibly!"

Freddy Krueger: "And, you never got off Mark Patton's case in my 'Revenge'. He would try so hard to finish a shot, like the tongue scene, and you would slip off your mask and either scare the heebie-jeebies out of him or make him laugh out that gooey tounge. You got him so bad, it was hilarious!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, that was so much fun."

Freddy Krueger: "Then, those 'Freddy vs. Jason' rumors started. I'm not sure about this, but it may have come from the crews of the first two 'Nightmare' sequels and 'Jason Lives,' the movies we supported eachother on."

Jason Voorhees: "You think so?"

Freddy Krueger: "Possibly. Maybe our presences and antics inspired it. I sure as hell never would have thought of us facing eachother in one movie."

Jason Voorhees: "Then, didn't the rumor reach New Line Cinema?"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, but at the time it was only a concept. They had no idea how to approach such a premise."

Jason Voorhees: "Then, those rumors surfaced to our fanbases, causing us to get competitive with eachother. It wasn't so bad in 1987, but it affected both of us more in `88 and `89."

Freddy Krueger: "It kind of contributed to the horror crash of 1989."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, Paramount and New Line rushed our next 'Friday' and 'Nightmare' entries for 1989, based on our popularity and the possibility of 'Freddy vs. Jason'."
Freddy Krueger: "And, it failed miserably in their faces."

Jason Voorhees: "And, nearly screwed up our careers."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah. Say, shouldn't Mike be back right now?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, he would have interrupted us from fighting already!"

Freddy Kreuger: "You know, I always wanted to ask this. What ever happened to Mike in the mid-80's? Weren't you friends with him beforehand?"

Jason Voorhees: "We were. We met at the Horror convention of of 1981 in honor of 'Halloween II' and 'Friday The 13th Part 2.'

Freddy Krueger: "That's right."

Jason Voorhees: "But, I first met him earlier that year when I was just an amateur slasher about to embark on 'Friday the 13th Part 2'. He taught the tricks of the trade."

Freddy Krueger: "That's cool."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, he was really cool. And, remember all those horror rookies that ripped us off?

Freddy Krueger: "You mean with 'My Bloody Valentine,' 'The Burning,' 'He Knows You're Alone,' 'Hospital Massacre,' and various others?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. Mike and I ganged up on all of them and taught them a lesson that year!"

Freddy Krueger: "Oh my gosh!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah! Everytime a rip-off of 'Friday The 13th' or 'Halloween' clone came out, which was like every couple weeks, Mike would sneak around their home or pad, play games with them, chase them out of their house, and then they would eventually run into me. Then, Mike would catch up, and we would both teach the horror rookie a lesson Myers- and Voorhees-style!"

Freddy Krueger: "Cool!"

Jason Voorhees: "We basically trick-or-treated all year in 1981!"

Freddy Krueger: "That is so funny!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah!"

Freddy Krueger: "So, what happened to Mike after?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well, after John Carpenter and Debra Hill screwed him over to make an anthology series out his 'Halloween' movies, he started working in several restaurants jobs."

Freddy Krueger: "How did he end up taking up jobs like that?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well, he tried to find some way back into movies, but the industry didn't want him anymore. He tried to get regular jobs like as an electrician and Carpenter, but they were afraid to hire him."

Freddy Krueger: "Why is that?"

Jason Voorhees: "I don't know. It's as they thought he would slash them to death or something."

Freddy Krueger: "Why would they think that?"

Jason Voorhees: "Don't know. Anyway, his skills for cutting stuff up slickly were recognized by chefs, so he was hired at fancy and Italian restaurants."

Freddy Krueger: "Why so many restaurants? Wasn't he able to keep up a job at one place?"

Jason Voorhees: "Sadly no. Thing is, when he cuts meats, vegetables, and stuff like that up, he's in deep concentration."

Freddy Krueger: "So?"

Jason Voorhees: "So, you know how seriously he takes his work. When waiters or chefs approached him and broke his concentration, he would up accidently cutting off their fingers or hands!"

Freddy Krueger: "Are you serious?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah! He wound up working at 12 places like that before he resorted to working at fast-food places like McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's."

Freddy Krueger: "Then, I was right!"

Jason Voorhees: "What?"

Freddy Krueger: "On a few occations at a few restaurants, I thought I spotted someone wearing a spray-painted white Captain Kirk mask in the back!"

Jason Voorhees: "Really?"

Freddy Krueger: "I always called for him, but he never responded. He just walked out of my view."

Jason Voorhees: "He wouldn't have wanted to respond. He was kind of embarrassed that he was working that sort of job, and I lost contact him for several years. Then, I caught up with him at the Horror Convention of 1988, when he was honored for his return to the 'Halloween' series. I asked him about his restaurants jobs, but he didn't want to talk about it. He was just glad that he was back in the horror game again."

Freddy Krueger: "That's cool."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah."

Freddy Krueger: "Do you know what excursions he embarked on between 1990 and `95, you know, after the horror crash of 1989 nearly desimated all of us?"

Jason Voorhees: "Even I don't that. I can only suspect that he was keeping a low profile while searching for his niece, Jamie Lloyd."

Freddy Krueger: "That's right. And, he finally got her in `95."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah..."

Freddy Krueger: "Well, we still had some work in that time period."

Jason Voorhees: "You mean the great horror depression."

Freddy Krueger: "I still managed do another 'Nightmare' movie."

Jason Voorhees: "But, it only further weakened your status as a horror icon. With 'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare,' New Line only made you jokier, and more annoying. And, by then, you were no longer scary at all. Lucky for me, my 'Friday' series was adopted by none other than the parents of your 'Nightmare' series, New Line Cinema."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, but 'Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday' wasn't really a 'Friday The 13th' film. It was considerably different, not for necessarily for the better, and it didn't stay true to your 'Friday' series. And you were only in the movie for about ten minutes!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. I had a feeling that New Line's offer was too good to be true."

Freddy Krueger: "But, lucky for me, Wes Craven returned to save me and my series for the respect that I deserved. 'Wes Craven's New Nightmare' was comeback I needed."

Jason Voorhees: "And, I got my comeback in space! Well, it wasn't that much of a comeback. Half of my fanbase were disappointed with me for taking that excursion. They thought I was selling out by making in-jokes to my own series. The important thing was that I was still doing what I do best. And, that's slicing and dicing a whole bunch of people!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, those kills were great!"

Jason Voorhees: "For me, the experience was really fun. While up there, I got to visit the moon, and see where Neil Armstrong made his first step for mankind, or whatever."

Freddy Krueger: "That must have been cool!"

Jason Voorhees: "It was. I even saw the footsteps of Pinhead and Leprechaun!"

Freddy Krueger: "Did you see any aliens?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well, I saw these really small and unusual footsteps that were definately not of this earth. But, for all I know, they may come from those pesky creatures known as critters!"

Freddy Krueger: "I guess we never may know if there are such things aliens and U.F.O.'s."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. Who do you think would be the next horror icon to go into space?"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, there's always Mike!"

Jason Voorhees: "What?!"

Freddy Krueger: "Before there was 'Halloween 4: The Revenge of Michael Myers," John Carpenter was consulted, respectively for the fourth 'Halloween' film. Well, he would've only done it if Michael Myers would be sent up to the space."

Jason Voorhees: "Really?"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, it is a wild rumor that might possibly be true. It's one of those things. Obviously Moustapha Akkad didn't go do it. Who would?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well, they sent me up to space!"

Freddy Krueger: "That's different. New Line did 'Jason X,' because they had to rekindle the 'Friday' fans for the eventual 'Freddy vs. Jason'. They tried for a new locaction, because you needed a change of pace."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, that's right."

Freddy Krueger: "And, film writer, Todd Farmer actually came up with a reasonable script and screenplay that would have you sent up to space in a spaceship."

Jason Krueger: "Yeah, 'Jason X' was a lot of fun."

Freddy Krueger: "But, that's something that I doubt could possibly be done with Michael. Of course, John Carpenter has always come up with different and original horror films, despite the tastes of critics and movie-goers."

Jason Voorhees: "True."

Freddy Krueger: "But, that's something we may never know."

Jason Voorhees: "An unsolved mystery."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah."

-A roar from an engine is heard outside Michael's pad as a car pulls up.

Freddy Krueger: "Mike's home."

-Michael comes in.

Michael Myers: "Well, it's nice to see my pad still in one piece. I was afraid that my being late to keep you two from fighting would be a cotastrophe."

Freddy Krueger: "We've resolved our issues."

Michael Myers: "That's good."

THE END