Episode Five

Sequels and Old Foes

-Freddy and Jason are back at Michael's pad after the day's shooting for 'Freddy vs. Jason.' As usual, they are fighting over what movie to watch.

Freddy Krueger: "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master!"

Jason Voorhees: "No, 'Friday The 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter'!"

Freddy Krueger: "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream..."

Jason Voorhees: "No, 'Friday The 13th Part V: A New...Wait, I mean..."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah. 'Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning!' I like that one."

Jason Voorhees: "How so? I'm not even in it! Paramount totally dissed me in 1985."

Freddy Voorhees: "I know!"

Jason Voorhees: "Why, you..."

Freddy Voorhees: "Momma's boy!"

Jason Voorhees: "Bastard son!"

-Freddy and Jason are about to attack eachother when the hear a roar from an engine as a car pulls up outside Michael's pad.

Jason Voorhees: "Michael's home."

Freddy Krueger: "And, from a board meeting with Moustapha Akkad and Dimension Video."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, shit!"

(Cue the eerie "Halloween" theme)

-Freddy and Jason freak out looking for somewhere to hide!

Freddy Krueger: "I hate it when Michael has a meeting with those greedy bastards!"

Jason Voorhees: "He always comes back angry!"

-Freddy and Jason continue to look for somewhere to hide when they hear Michael come up to the door. The knob starts turning. Out of desperation, Freddy and Jason cram into a closet, set up a broom across the two side-opening doors, and sit at separate corners. Michael comes in, looks around, and walks around the room. His shadow appears and disappears through the boards of the two side-opening doors, as he does so. Freddy and Jason speak silently.

Jason Voorhees: "I hate this!"

Freddy Krueger: "Now, I know how Laurie Strode felt!"

-Michael's shadow continues to appear and disappear through the boards of the two side-opening doors. Eventually, his shadow appears directly at the closet doors. Freddy and Jason shiver.

Freddy Krueger: "This is scarier than all of the 'Friday The 13th' movies!"

Jason Voorhees: "This is scarier than the awfulness of 'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare'!"

-The two side-opening doors shake as Michael tries to open them up. They shake violently more.

Jason Voorhees: "This is scarier than the year, 1985, when my angry fans ganged up on me for not being in 'Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning'!"

Freddy Krueger: "This is scarier that stint in the same year when gay-activists ganged up on me for the homosexual overtones in 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge' when it wasn't even my fault!"

-The shaking stops. Silence falls. Suddenly, the boards of the two side-opening doors break as Michael punches through them.

Jason Voorhees: "We're doomed!"

-Michael continues to break through the boards. As he does, he hits the string attached to the light inside. The light flickers on and off continuously. Michael stops and removes the broom from the two side-opening doors. Michael pops in his head and laughs.

(Uncue the eerie "Halloween" theme)

Michael Myers: "So...what are you fraidy-cats doing in here?"

Jason Voorhees: "What, so you're not angry?"

Freddy Krueger: "The meeting went well?"

Michael Myers: "Of course!"
-Freddy and Jason turn to eachother sigh of relief.

Michael Myers: "You know, you guys crack me up!"

-Michael walks away from the closet. Freddy and Jason get out of the closet shaken up! Michael laughs.

Michael Myers: "Did you guys really think I would kill you?"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, it's not that. It's that you just had a meeting with those slimeballs at Dimension Video. You always come back from them pissed off."

Jason Voorhees: "And, you did roar the engine of your car."

Michael Myers: "Well, this time, the meeting went well. And, as for my car, I tuned the engine. My Corvette now runs at 500 horsepower!"

Freddy Krueger: "Oh..."

Jason Voorhees: "Cool!"

Freddy Krueger: "Please don't tell anyone about this."

Michael Myers: "Who am I going to tell?"

-Freddy and Jason sigh of relief.

Michael Myers: "Well, there is my fanbase. They're going to love hearing this!"

Freddy and Jason: "Please don't!"

Michael Myers: "Relax, fellas. I won't tell a soul. I'll get all of us some beer."

-Michael Myers walks off to get some beer and snickers over the hilarity of the situation.

Jason Voorhees: "Get me Budweiser!"

Michael Myers: "I know!"

Jason Voorhees: "Oh my gosh. I just felt like the biggest pussy!"

Freddy Krueger: "But, you are!"

-Jason turns to Freddy in a threatening manner.

Freddy Krueger: "But, seriously, I'm just kidding. I was freaked out too."

-Michael returns with the beer.

Freddy Krueger: "So, how did the board meeting with Moustapha Akkad and Dimension Video go?"

Michael Myers: "Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Akkad finally chose a storyline for a script for the next 'Halloween' movie."

Freddy Krueger: "Well, that's cool."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah."

Michael Myers: "But, he won't tell me what it is yet."

Freddy Krueger: "How so?"

Michael Myers: "He thinks I'll spoil it to my fanbase or something."

Jason Voorhees: "How can that be? You never speak!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, other than to us horror icons."

Michael Myers: "I know!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, I hope they choose a good storyline to pick up on. God knows we need another 'Halloween: Resurrection.'

-Michael turns to Freddy in a threatening manner.

Freddy Krueger: "Well, what I mean is that we don't need another 'Halloween' entry that skips out on the true roots and story of your series and just uses gimics. 'H20' and 'Resurrection' both did that and were both entertaining in their own ways, but it's time to get back to the true roots of the series again."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I miss the earlier 'Halloween' movies where it was just Michael Myers, Dr. Loomis, and Laurie Strode. And, even those ones with Michael Myers, Dr. Loomis, and Jamie Lloyd. Say, whatever happened Jamie Lloyd?"

Michael Myers: "I killed her in 'Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers,' remember?"

Jason Voorhees: "Oh, yeah!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, you still have John and Stephen to go after."
Jason Voorhees: "How is John, actually? We haven't heard from him for quite some time."

Michael Myers: "Neither have I. He never shows up for family gatherings anymore. It's as if he's afraid."

Freddy Krueger: "Of what?"

Michael Myers: "I don't know. I keep calling him to find out what's up, but he never answers back."

Freddy Krueger: "Now, that's a shame."

Michael Myers: "Yeah. You know, I heard that some members of my own fanbase have yearned for Akkad finally go back to the old roots of the series, too. They've even sent in their own fan-made scripts for 'Halloween 9'."

Freddy Krueger: "Hey, that's great."

Michael Myers: "Yeah. Now, I can only hope that the script Akkad chose is based on one of them."

Freddy Krueger: "That would be nice."

Jason Voorhees: "What about Tommy Doyle? Don't you still have to get him?"

Michael Myers: "Well, technically, I don't. He's not family. But, the last time he was in the series, in 'Halloween 6,' he did have Stephen, so I do have reason to go after him. So, there's already a good idea for 'Halloween 9'."

Freddy Krueger: "And, your nephew, John, having lost his mother to you, might want to avenge her death and stop you once and for all."

Michael Myers: "Yeah! These are the same ideas my fans thought of and sent in. If only Akkad came to his senses and finally did it."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah."

Michael Myers: "But, to be fair, it's not all of Akkad's fault. After Dimension Video screwed up 'Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers,' and now treat it as their own bastard son..."

Jason turns to Freddy and snickers.

Michael Myers: "...They totally ignore those mid-entries of the series, because of the huge failure of my 'Curse' which was their own fault."
Freddy Krueger: "Well, at least some of your fans respect that entry. I do, too. Many of the fans think it complicates your series, but really, all the thorn symbol mythology does is back up your evil roots."

Michael Myers: "Yeah. But, you know, Akkad isn't really such a bad guy. I have a feeling that Dimension Video have been forcing or manipulating him the last couple years. We all now how evil Dimension Video really is. They are the reason that great flicks as 'Below' and 'Equilibrium' aren't majorly known to the public. They stupidly limitedly released them in theaters, when they could have made bundles of money."

Freddy Krueger: "I hate it when they do that to potential horror movies. 'Equilibrium' isn't really a horror movie, and I still got a kick out of it."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. It has awesome 'Matrix'-like action!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, at least they're doing something about your series. We can only hope that they are going into the right direction. It better not be based on the latest 'Halloween 9' rumor.

Michael Myers: "You mean that one that would've been a prequel and would've starred such actors as Maggie Smith, Brian Dennehy, and Sally Field?"

-Freddy and Jason both laugh.

Michael Myers: "Yeah! They are good actors, but they just don't belong in a 'Halloween' movie. Speaking of prequels, there was a proposed prequel to 'Halloween 4'."

Freddy Krueger: "Weren't you in a comatose state before the storysetting of 'Halloween 4'?

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I guess it would revolve around me somehow waking up from it, obviuosly for a brief period of time, and causing a raucous around the insane asylum.

Freddy Krueger: "I could just see it now."

-Freddy imitates a movie previewer.

Freddy Krueger: "Before there was Michael's 'return' in 1988, there was his 'revival' in 1985. In the insane asylum where Michael's comatose body lays, a group 'hip' and 'cool' doctors, played by 'hip' and 'cool' stars, Usher Raymond, Britney Spears, Ashton Kutcher, and others, watch over the asylum for the night. Meanwhile, Michael Myers mysteriously awakens from his comatose state, and stalks the hallways with his bloody knife and motivation to kill anybody who gets in his way. Will these 'hip' and 'cool' doctors survive? Will Michael be stopped of his bloody rampage? You will find out in 'Halloween: The Revival of Michael Myers' coming soon to a theater near you."

-Jason and Michael laugh their asses off! Freddy snickers.

Michael Myers: "You know, I could see Dimension Video making that too! It would be just another gimic for them to use for another 'Halloween' movie."

Jason Voorhees: "It would be so funny if they made a 'Halloween' movie like that."

-Jason imitates the movie previewer.

Jason Voorhees: " 'Halloween: The Revival of Michael Myers' starring up 'hip' and 'cool' stars Usher Raymond, Britney Spears, and Ashton Kutcher.

-Freddy and Michael snicker.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I could see them casting them. They already cast Busta Rhymes in 'Halloween: Resurrection'!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, but I wouldn't say that Rhymes was that bad. I mean, 'Resurrection' needed an egotistocal character to plan the 'Dangertainment' stint in Michael's house. And, who is more egostistocal than Busta Rhymes?"

Michael Myers: "Very good point, Freddy!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, whatever plans Akkad and Dimension have in store for 'Halloween 9,' they better not do that one. That's for sure!"

Michael Myers: "Yeah. But, what about you guys? Aren't there any proposed plans for more 'Friday The 13th' and 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' sequels if 'Freddy vs. Jason' does well?"

Jason Voorhees: "Possibly. One idea my own fanbase have thought of for my 'Friday The 13th' series is a 'Winter Wonderland! It would be set in Crystal Lake in the Winter time. It would be perfect. Besides, the shade of blood would mix really well with snow!"

Michael Myers: "Hey, that's a great idea for a 'Friday The 13th' movie!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, I'd definitely pay to see that. God knows we need you going on more field trips!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I'm really psyched about it, too. And, my old nemesis, Tommy Jarvis, could return to the snowy Crystal Lake, out of his own paranoia, to make sure I'm still dead and drowned in the lake. Of course, I wouldn't be!"

Freddy Krueger: "Hey, that's right! Isn't Jarvis the only person to have killed you?"

Jason Voorhees: "Actually, he didn't kill me. He only put me in a coma."

Michael Myers: "A coma? Sorry, Jason. I have that excuse. Not you!"
Freddy Krueger: "Besides, wasn't it actually a girl that killed you in 'Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives'? Jarvis may tied that rock-attached chain around your neck to keep you underwater, but it was the girl that started running the engine to the boat and used it to break your neck. You were beat by a girl!"

Michael Myers: "And there was that telepathic girl in 'Friday The 13th Part VII: The New..."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, what about you guys? Freddy, you were beat twice by Alice! And Michael, in 'H20...

Michael Myers: "Jason, you don't want go there..."

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, I'm going there! In 'H20,' Laurie Strode gave you a surprise attack, stabbed you several times, and you fell over two story cliff, and landed on a breaking table unconcious!"

Michael Myers: "I warned you..."

-Michael is about to attack Jason when Freddy cuts in.

Freddy Krueger: "Woah, guys! Relax! Why must we always fight with eachother when we are the 'big 3' of the horror icons? We are most well known. We are the most popular!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, but what about Frankenstein and Dracula? They came before us, and are the classic horror icons."

Freddy Krueger: "Good point. We at least are the most popular horror icons as far as the horror rush of the 80's is concerned. And, they are still making our movies. What can you say to that?"

Michael Myers: "You're right. We shouldn't fight with eachother considering we're still up and running despite the horror crash of 1989."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, we all had it bad that year. They gave me more unnecessary screentime, made me way more jokier, and in the process, I was no longer scary. I was one big joke."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, I had it worse. They sent me New York! Sending me to New York wasn't actually a such bad idea, but they mislead me and my fans. I was only in New York for the last 30 minutes of the movie. Yet, I was in a cruise ship for the rest of the movie. That also wasn't such a bad idea, though. It was still a interesting change of location, but they resorted to having me transport from place to place. It was all due to the lazy filmmaking of the director. What can be worse than that?"

Freddy Krueger: "How about me being reduced to an annoying and comical guy that no one liked? My fans got sick of me after 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child'."

Jason Voorhees: "What about 'Freddy's Dead'? Your fans didn't like you any better with that 'Nightmare' movie. You are still the comical guy that nobody likes!"

-Freddy is about to attack Jason when Michael interrupts.

Michael Myers: "Guys! Guys! Relax! Do you two really care about who had it worse in 1989?"

Freddy and Jason turned to eachother, then to Michael.

Freddy and Jason: "No..."

Michael Myers: "Exactly! Besides, I had it that the worst in 1989. After the success of 'Halloween: The Return of Michael Myers' in 1988, they rushed me to do 'Halloween: The Revenge of Michael Myers,' where they had me go to greater lengths than necessary to catch up with Jamie. Not only that, Jamie and I had a psychic connection. And, to top it off, they reduced me to an emotional guy that cried, in a film with some lame clownlike effects, very little suspense and scares, and bad and annoying actors to boot."

-Freddy and Jason turn to eachother, then to Michael.

Freddy Krueger: "You're right. You did take worst bite of the cake in 1989."

Jason Voorhees: "You know, I didn't think 'Halloween 5' was so bad. It was suspenseful at times, and there was some good action. And, I really liked the opening credits where you're carving up a pumpkin with your knife and with your quick hands. That was cool!"

Michael Myers: "Thanks."

-A ring is heard from someone's cell phone. The eerie 'Halloween' theme is heard within the ringing.

Freddy Krueger: "When did you get that cell phone, Mike?"

Michael Myers: "Since yesterday. I have to keep up with my fanbase."

Freddy Krueger: "That's cool."

Jason Voorhees: "Since when do you need a cell phone? You never speak..."

Michael Myers: "Shut up, Jason! I need to answer this."

-Michael answers his cell phone.

Michael Myers: "Hello?"

Ghostface: "What's up?!"

Michael Myers: "What's up? Is that you, Ghostface?!"

Jason Voorhees: "Why is Ghostface calling? I thought you taught him a lesson."

Freddy Krueger: "I did! I pitted him in a nightmare where there more teeny-bopper horror movies like 'I Know What You Did Last Summer,' 'Urban Legend,' and 'Valentine,' but where Wes Craven still refused to make more 'Scream' movies!"

Jason Voorhees: "Dude, that's each of our own nightmares!"

Ghostface: "Who's Ghostface? I don't know no Ghostface!"

Michael Myers: "That can't be. You just pulled a double-negative!"

Ghostface: "What's your favorite scary movie?"

Michael Myer: "Oh, it's that one called 'A Halloween on Elm Street on Friday The 13th.' It's really scary. It's about this annoying prank-calling punk who gets on the nerves of some well-known horror icons. The idea is that the punk isn't safe when he's awake or asleep, because two of the horror icons, one with a machete, the other with a big kitchen knife, gang up on him in reality, while the third one, with claws for hands, gangs up on him in his dreams. You should see it. You would love it!"

Ghostface: "Uh, that's okay. Ghostface don't like the sound of this movie!"

Michael Myers: " Hey, you just admitted you are Ghostface! Hello? Hello?"

-Michael turns back to Freddy and Jason.

Michael Myers: "Well, he just hung up. But, I did get him good!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. That was great! Anyway, I had always hoped that my series could go up to my lucky number, thirteen!"

Michael Myers: "That makes sense."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, and they could be back-to-back sequels, storywise, like parts two, three, and four were. Of course, Tommy Jarvis could return for our final showdow! I've been meaning to get back at him for drowning me!"

Freddy Krueger: "But, didn't the girl actually kill you and break your neck with engine of that boat?"

Jason Voorhees: "It doesn't matter. He killed me before in 'Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter.' I guess I'll have to take care of his girlfriend, too!"

-Freddy and Michael snicker.

Jason Voorhees: "Well, excuse me gentlemen, I'm going to get myself another Budweiser."

-Jason gets up to get himself another beer.

Michael Myers: "Didn't you already have two beers?"

-Jason stops in his tracks.

Jason Voorhees: "Three, actually. So?

Michael Myers: "So, you know it doesn't take many beers for you to get drunk."

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, I can handle it. What's the point of life if I can't drink when I want to?"

-Jason runs off to get his beer.

Michael Myers: "So, any chance of seeing you on-screen again, after 'Freddy vs. Jason'?"

Freddy Krueger: "I hope so. My fans have always wanted me to do a prequel to my entire 'A Nightmare on Elm Street" series that focuses on my human years, where I was a child-murderer and was on trial."

Michael Myers: "And, where you get freed, because of an official never signed your custody papers, leading to the angry Elm Street parents to burn you in order to protect their children."

Freddy Krueger: "Yep. But, I don't know if that is necessary. That is a part of my history that is covered in one of the episodes of my 'Freddy's Nightmares' television show from years back."

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I see what you mean."

Freddy Krueger: "And, besides, just about every 'Nightmare' movie covered a part of that history, anyway, so it's not like my series didn't tell all to my fans."

Michael Myers: "Yeah."

Freddy Krueger: "Personally, I would like to be able to have one more nightmare with Alice. She is the only real loose end left in my series, so it makes sense for her to have one more round with me."

Michael Myers: "I could just see the story. Her son, from 'Nightmare 5,' now a teenager, is having 'Freddy' nightmares. His fear of him eventually rekindles Freddy, leaving Alice to save him and his friends from the nightmarish vengeance of Freddy."

Freddy Krueger: "Hey, that's good! You really know your horror."

Michael Myers: "Well, what can I say? I am the boogeyman!"

-Behind them, they hear Jason tumbling around and muttering bullshit.

Jason Voorhees: "No, I'm the boogeyman!"

-Jason walks up to where Jason and Michael are. Jason turns to Freddy.

Jason Voorhees: "Boo!"

-Jason turns to Michael.

Jason Voorhees: "Boo!"

Michael Myers: "Jason is definitely drunk."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, I can smell it his breath!"

-Jason tumbles around near the front door of Michael's pad.

Jason Voorhees: "I'm the boogeyman! I never die! I..."

-Freddy and Michael try to grab Jason in time, but he tumbles around more and breaks through the front door of Michael's pad.

Michael Myers: "Why is that my door gets broken through every week?!"

Freddy Krueger: "Because, you break through it after a board meeting with the folks at Dimension Video, because Chucky and Leatherface fight over Poker night, and because Jason gets drunk."

Michael Myers: "And, also, because you and Jason fight in competition in regards to 'Freddy vs. Jason'!"

Freddy Krueger: "Yes...that too. We're all guilty."

Michael Myers: "Whatever. I'll just call my Carpenter again. I now have him on my speed dial!

-Michael whips out his cell phone and calls his Carpenter.

Michael Myers: "Hey, John..."

Ghostface vs. Windex