-Ten minutes pass and Pinhead doesn't show up. Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, and Leatherface decide to start without him. They set up the table and cards and are begin.

Michael Myers: "Okay, who wants to shuffle the cards first?"

-The room turns to darkness and they hear the words 'I will.' Clinging Chains and rotating posts with hooks appear around them. Cenobites, one a deformed white creature with chattering teeth, another a very white woman in black suit, and another, a set of twins with twisted faces, walk out of the darkness. Eventually, Pinhead steps out of the darkness and sits down at their Poker table. The chains, posts, and Canobites disappear into the darkness as the lights go back on.

Jason Voorhees: "Wow! Now, that's one hell of an entrance!"

Pinhead: "Silence! Now, we begin."

-Pinhead takes the cards and shuffles them with quick hands. He gives Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, and Leatherface their cards one by one. They all look at their cards and put on their Poker faces.

Michael Myers: "So, Pinhead, what took so long? Torture another unfortunate soul last minute?"

Pinhead: "Well, what can I say? When you're the Prince of Hell, you have responsibilities. This time, it was none other than Hugh Heffner."

Jason Voorhees: "Hugh Heffner? That cool, old dude who runs Playboy and gets all those girls? What happened to him?"

Pinhead: "He was oversexed and his body was simply too old to handle the pleasure anymore. And besides, I give and believe in the opposite of pleasure: torture!"

Michael Myers: "Oh, boy. What did you do to Heffner?"

Pinhead: "I did the only I thing I could. I had his flesh torn apart and showed the ladies what he really was underneath: a dry, deteriorated, and disgusting old man. Now, that old, torn-up fart is trapped in a room with his Playboy girls, and none of them want to give him any pleasure!"

Freddy Krueger: "Now, that's just mean!"

Chucky: "But, how did he wind up in hell?"

Pinhead: "What? You think that premarital sexual relations with many different women is moral?"

Chucky: "Premarital? That's bogus crap from God..."

Pinhead: "God? Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?! Besides, when your time finally comes, it's not like your premarital sexual antics with Tiffany will be in high favor with God!"

Michael Myers: "Woah! Pinhead, relax. Chucky is not debating with you about God. He's only agreeing with you on how you think God is bogus. Isn't that right, Chucky?"

-Chucky is shaken up!

Chucky: "Uh, yeah. That's right."

Michael Myers: "Anyway..."

-Jason tries to look at Michael's cards. Michael notices and turns to Jason in a threatening manner. Jason backs off and looks back at his own cards.

Michael Myers: "Again, anyway, I think I've won this game."

-Michael's cards to be a Straight. Jason sighs.

Jason Voorhees: "I'm out."

Leatherface: "Me, too."

Chucky: "Damn it."

Freddy Krueger: "Actually, I have a Full House!"

-Freddy reveals his cards to be a Full House.

Pinhead: "Sorry, gentlemen. I've won Round 1 with a Royal Flush."

-Pinhead reveals his cards to be a Royal Flush.

Pinhead: " Welcome of oblivion!"

Michael Myers: "Wow. Not a bad way to start off, Pinhead. You start off with $15 dollars from each of us."

Pinhead: "15 dollars each?! That's what we're starting off with? I thought this was Poker!"

Michael Myers: "It is. And, you arrived late when we had already figured out what bids to start off with."

Pinhead: "Argh! You..."

Freddy Krueger: "Hey, you're starting off with a nice $75 dollars. That's not a such a bad way to win with first."

Pinhead: "I guess. But, we must increase the bids!"

Michael Myers: "Of course we will. It all depends on if our favorite loser out of the group, that being Jason of course..."

-Jason groans.

Michael Myers: "...Is willing to agree with it. Jason, what's say $30 dollars?"

Jason Voorhees: "Uh..."

Pinhead: "No, $45 dollars!"

Jason Voorhees: "Uh..."

Freddy Krueger: "Come on, momma's boy. Make a decision already!"

Jason Voorhees: "Okay, $45 dollars it is. I'm going win the next round!"

Michael Myers: "Okay. Good luck everyone."

 

-Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead, and Leatherface start Round 3. Chucky shuffles the cards.

Freddy Krueger: "Aren't your tiny baby hands too small to shuffle cards, let alone jerk off with?"

-Jason and Michael burst out laughing! Freddy snickers. Pinhead studies his cards. Leatherface takes the opportnity to eat up more of the arm he snuck in! Chucky sneers at Freddy and whips out his knife and voodoo doll of Freddy.

Chucky: "Don't fuck with the Chuck!"

-Everyone shuts up and allows Chucky pass out the cards. They put on their Poker faces. Jason can't put on a Poker face. His cards are fantastic! Out of curiosity, he tries to look at Pinhead's cards. Darkness falls into the room and a hook attached to a chain comes out of nowhere and fishhooks Jason's hockey mask leaning him and his chair back.

Pinhead: "Cross me again, and your suffering will be legendary, even in hell!"

-The fish hook vanishes into the darkness as the lights go on, but not before scraping off Jason's hockey mask. Jason's face is revealed to be muggy, deformed, and disgusting! Freddy, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead, and Leatherface are disgusted!

-Freddy, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead, and Leatherface: "Eww!"

Michael Myers: "So, you've endured that much pain from your movies?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I guess..."

-Jason is replying and quickly whipping out a spare hockey mask to put on when Pinhead interrupts.

Pinhead: "You want Pain? Pain has a face. Allow me to show it you gentlemen. I...am...pain..."

Michael Myers: "Pinhead, please don't get into all that right now..."

-Pinhead continues reciting his classic lines from his "Hellraiser" series as if he's in a trance.

Pinhead: "...We have eternity to your flesh..."

Chucky: "Pain has a face? Eternity to know your...? What's all this bullshit?"

Michael Myers: "Oh, don't mind him. The folks at Dimension Video have been overworking him for 'Hellraiser VII: Dead World' and 'Hellraiser VIII: Deader,' the latest entries in his 'Hellraiser' series."

-Pinhead continues reciting his classic lines from his 'Hellraiser' series.

Pinhead: "...You think your nighttime world is closed to me? Your mind is naked..."

-Chucky snickers.

Pinhead: "...A book that yearns to read. A door that begs to be opened..."

-Chucky is confused.

Chucky: "Huh?"

Jason Voorhees: "The latest entries? I thought that series went to hell after 'Hellraiser: Bloodline.' I never even knew there was even parts 5 and 6!"

Freddy Krueger: "Well, it's not likely that you were going to know. The 'Hellraiser' series entered its own personal hell known as 'straight-to-video'."

Jason Voorhees: "Oh..."

Michael Myers: "Yeah, I was surprised that his series would go to such desperate resorts. Hell, if everyone of us was up for 'straight-to-video,' I'm surprised that Pinhead was first to go.

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, 'straight-to-video' is any series' worst nightmare."

-Pinhead continues reciting classic lines from his "Hellraiser" series.

Pinhead: "...Unbearable isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world and its sound is like razors through flesh..."

Freddy Krueger: "I like that song!"

Michael Myers: "I remember when I saw the first 'Hellraiser' film. What I saw was potential, a certain potential that was a great element for a horror film. The first couple of 'Hellraiser' films kept that element."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah. But, we should up wake Pinhead from his trance. We've had enough fun with him. Leatherface, please, by all means."

-Leatherface jumps from his seat and gets out of Michael's pad to get his chainsaw from his truck. Jason takes the opportunity to look at Leatherface's cards laying there on the table. Leatherface comes back with his chainsaw and runs it in front of Pinhead and allows its irritating noise to go on and on until Pinhead awakes from his trance.

Pinhead: "...Down the dark decades of your pain, this will seem like a memory of...argh...what?"

-Pinhead looks around shakened.

Freddy Krueger: "Pinhead, welcome to your worst nightmare...heaven!"
Pinhead: "Heaven? No! Argh!!"

Michael Myers: "Hey, we're just kidding, needleface."

Freddy Krueger: "Welcome to your real worst nightmare: defeat...in Poker!"

Pinhead: "No!"

Freddy Krueger: "That's right. I have a Straight!"

-Freddy reveals his cards to be a Straight.

Leatherface: "Well, I'm out again."

-Leatherface carefully sneaks out the arm he snuck in to take a bite.

Michael Myers: "I'm not so lucky this time, at least more lucky than that severed arm you have there, Leatherface."

-Leatherface quickly sneaks away the arm.

Leatherface: "Arm? What arm? I have no arm."

Michael Myers: "Sure you don't."

Jason Voorhees: "I don't know how to say this, guys. Oh, wait a minute. I do. I won! I won Round 3 with a Full House! I won. I..."

Chucky: "Sorry Jack, Chucky's back!" I won with a Royal Flush!"

-Chucky reveals his cards to be a Royal Flush.

Jason Voorhees: "No! It can't be! I was so close!"

Chucky: "Well, you may have been, but you wound up fucked. Give me your share!"

-Jason sighs and gives Chucky $75 dollars just as everyone else does. Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead, and Leatherface start Round 4. Freddy shuffles the cards. Of course, he's wearing claws over his right hand, so he ends up tearing the cards to shreds!

Freddy Krueger: "Oops. Sorry."

Jason Voorhees: "Freddy, you tore up the cards. You always do!"

Leatherface: "Freddy, why didn't you just take off your claws?

Freddy Krueger: "Well..."

Pinhead: "Leatherface, do you realize what your asking?!"

-Leatherface is confused.

Leatherface: "What?"

Pinhead: "Asking why Freddy won't just take off his claws is like asking why Jason wears that hockey mask. It's like asking why Michael takes off his spray-painted white Captain Kirk mask only to his son, Stephen. It is one of those questions you aren't supposed to ask!"

-Leatherface is more confused.

Leatherface: "Huh?"

Pinhead: "Asking Freddy why he won't just take off his claws is like asking why Jason keeps looking at our cards, including yours just now!"

-Leatherface turns to Jason in a angry and hungry manner. Jason moves his seat away by a few inches.

Pinhead: "Hell, asking why Freddy won't just take off his claws is like asking why you snuck in two human arms in Michael's pad despite his 'You can kill people, but you can't eat them' rule!"

-Leatherface looks around trying not be obvious.

Pinhead: "Yes, I mean you, Leatherface!"

-Leatherface groans.

Pinhead: "Of course, the simple explanation all these mind-boggling questions is that..."

Michael Myers: "Shut up, Pinhead! That's enough babbling from you. I'll go get some spare cards."

-Michael goes into the next room, gets another set of cards, and returns to the table.

Michael Myers: "I'll shuffle this time."

Jason Voorhees: "No, I want to."

Michael Myers: "Suit yourself."

-Jason shuffles the cards and gives everybody their cards. They all put on their Poker faces. Leatherface, again, tries to carefully sneak out the human arm he snuck in and take a bite.

Michael Myers: "So, Leatherface..."

-Leatherface quickly sneaks away the arm!

Michael Myes: "...What's up with your 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' remake?"

Leatherface: "Oh, I have no involvement with that."

Michael Myers: "How so?"

Leatherface: "Well, let's just say that a certain individual who helped make a classic horror film in the mid-70's has been completely overlooked and hasn't been consented at all for the remake."

Jason Voorhees: "That totally sucks!"

Freddy Krueger: "How can they do that? You're Leatherface!"

Leatherface: "They replaced me with some cheap bozo that can't act."

Michael Myers: "But still, it's wrong that they are even remaking your classic 'Chainsaw' film."

Leatherface: "True."

Freddy Krueger: "What about it's Fall release being moved up to early 2004? What happened?"

Leatherface: "Well, the folks behind the remake don't want the public to know this, but the sets were sabotaged."

Michael Myers: "Sabotaged? By who?"

-Leatherface snickers.

Leatherface: "Who do you think?"

Jason Voorhees: "No! You?"

Leatherface: "Somebody had to it. I was furious and even my fans are furious that they remaking my movie."

Michael Myers: "Isn't Michael Bay directing the remake?"

Leatherface: "That's right. That guy who doesn't know shit about movies, but still made a lot of films with Producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who also doesn't know shit about movies, is behind it."

Pinhead: "How that can he helming a horror film? He makes lurid action crap like 'Bad Boys,' 'Con Air,' and 'Pearl Harbor'."

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, 'Bad Boys' and 'Con Air' weren't so bad."

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, but I don't know about "Pearl Harbor"..."

Michael Myers: "Yeah...well, anyway, all we can do now is hope they don't screw up the remake, because the sad truth is that they'll still make the movie and Hollywood will still resort to remaking other classic horror films. 'Suspiria' anyone?"

Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, that is sad. And, I'm not even a huge fan of that movie or Dario Argento's films."

Michael Myers: "I think Argento is great at making horror movies. He always puts a lot of style into them. He should also put his foot down, and not allow Dimension Video to remake 'Suspiria.' At least he should have the right to. Isn't that right, Leatherface? Leatherface?"

-Leatherface is taking the opportunity again to chew up the spare he snuck in. He quickly sneaks away the arm.

Leatherface: "Yeah, Tobe Hooper should put his foot down in regards to 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' remake."

Michael Myers: "That is a good point, but you obviously weren't paying attention to what we were really saying, because of that arm you were chewing up."

Leatherface: "What arm?!"

Michael Myers: "Whatever."

-Everybody looks back at their cards. Michael whispers to Chucky.

Michael Myers: "Chucky, next time Leatherface sneaks out that arm, sneak under the table and grab it from him."

Chucky: "That disgusting thing? I don't want to touch that!"

Michael Myers: "Hey, I'll give you some of my own bids later tonight."

Chucky: "Okay!"

-Jason looks at his cards and sees potential in them. Out of curiousity, he tries to look at Chucky's cards. Chucky notices and whips out his knife and voodoo doll of Jason. Chucky sneers at Jason.

Chucky: "Don't fuck with the Chuck!"

-Jason backs off and looks back at his own cards. Leatherface tries to sneak out the spare arm he snuck in and try to take a bite. Chucky notices, crawls under the table, and grabs the other end of the arm.

Chucky: "Eww! This thing is gross!"

-Leatherface hears him and tries to grab it from him. Leatherface and Chucky both struggle to take hold of the arm. From above the table, Leatherface appears to be struggling with something.

Michael Myers: "You okay there, Leatherface?"

Leatherface: "Uh...I'm fine!"

-Leatherface continues to struggle to take hold of the arm.

Freddy Krueger: "What's wrong, buddy? Can't handle your own compulsive thoughts?"

-Freddy, Jason, Michael burst out laughing. Pinhead studies his cards. Finally, Chucky wins the battle and takes hold of the arm. He crawls under table, climbs up the stack of books sits down and sneers at Leatherface. Leatherface groans in disappointment. Michael snickers.

Michael Myers: "What's the matter, Leatherface?"

Leatherface: "Uh, nothing. Just filled up, I guess."

Michael Myers: "From what? You haven't been eating any popcorn or Doritos set up on the table."

Leatherface: "Oh, I had a big meal beforehand."

Michael Myers: "What did you have?"

Leatherface: "Oh, I had a big bite of the "Backstreet Boys!"

Michael Myers: "Really? All five of them? Isn't that a bit much for you?"

Leatherface: "Four of them, actually. Justin separated for a little while to do a solo act."

-Jason snickers.

Jason Voorhees: "And, how exactly, would you know something like that?"

-Leatherface snickers.

Leatherface: "For the same reason that you try to look at our look at our cards!"

-Jason groans.

Pinhead: "Gentlemen, I believe I have this round won with a Straight."

-Pinhead reveals his cards to be a straight.

Michael Myers: "I don't believe so, Pinhead. I have a Flush."

-Michael reveals his cards to be flush.

Pinhead: "Argh!"

Leatherface: "As usual, I am out."

Freddy Krueger: "I also had a Straight."

Chucky: "Damn it!"

Michael Myers: "And you, Jason?"

-Jason carefully studies his cards.

Jason Voorhees: "I can't believe this. I've won. I've just won this round with a Royal Flush!

-Jason happily reveals his cards to be a Royal Flush.

Michael Myers: "Hey good for you, buddy. It's about time. $75 dollars from all of us."

-Michael sneers at Pinhead.

Michael Myers: "That means you too, Pinhead."

-Michael gladly gives Jason $75 dollars. Pinhead sighs and gives Jason $75 dollars just as everyone else does.

Freddy Krueger: "Increase the bids! This time, $100 dollars!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, $100 dollars!"

Michael Myers: "I'm fine with that. And you, Pinhead?"

Pinhead: "Okay, then. One more round. I'll own the next round."

Freddy Krueger: "Oh, I don't think so, needleface! Round 5 is mine!"

Pinhead: "Don't debate with me, Freddy! Just come here and lose while you still have the option of losing quickly!"

-Freddy snickers.

Freddy Krueger: "We'll see about that."

-Freddy, Jason, Michael, Chucky, Pinhead, and Leatherface set the table for the final round. Pinhead shuffles the cards with his quick hands and gives everybody their cards. They look at their cards and put on their Poker faces. Freddy and Pinhead turn to eachother in their own menacing ways as if in competition. Freddy snickers to himself, annoying Pinhead.

Pinhead: "What is so funny?"

Freddy Krueger: "Oh, nothing. Just how I'm going to brutalize you in this round!"

Pinhead: "I'm sorry. I have it won. I never lose. I am forever!"

Freddy Krueger: "What, like you didn't lose the last three games?"

-While Freddy and Pinhead bicker, Leatherface looks around for food. He is still hungry! He looks at the popcorn and Doritos. He tries to grab one of each, but his body just shakes as he gets the heebie-jeevies! He looks around the table, sees Chucky, and stares at him. Chucky notices, feeling suspicious.

Pinhead: "Oh, Like you didn't lose the last four games?!"

Freddy Krueger: "At least I don't freak out everytime and go 'Argh!'!"

Pinhead: "Argh!"

-Freddy taunts Pinhead.

Freddy Krueger: "Argh! Argh! Argh!"

-Leatherface continues staring at Chucky.

Leatherface: "Uh, Chucky, since you've been trapped in that doll, technically, you've become human inside, right?"
Chucky: "Uh...yeah. Why?"

Leatherface: "Oh, nothing. Just curious."

-Chucky feels creeped out. He jumps off his chair, pushes it a few inches, and climbs back up the stack of books and sits down.

Freddy Krueger: "And, how are you 'forever'? You died in a massive explosion in 'Hellraiser: Bloodline'!"

Pinhead: "What, and you have not died in each and every entry in your putrid 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' series?"

Freddy Krueger: "My series is not putrid. You're series is interminable! They make no sense!"

Pinhead: "You make no sense! There's no logic in how you keep returning to life in your series."

-Leatherface feeling hungrier than ever turns to Chucky in a hungry manner. Chucky, feeling even more creeped out, whips out his knife and voodoo doll of Leatherface. Leatherface backs off and sighs.

Freddy Krueger: "I keep coming back to life based on the fears of Elm Street teenagers. When their fear factor of me is high, they end up with a dream that revives me."

Pinhead: "That doesn't mean anything."

Freddy Krueger: "Yes, it does!"

-Leatherface looks around desperately for food. Chucky notices and snickers. Leatherface turns to Chucky in a hungry manner. Chucky whips out the spare arm Leatherface snuck in. The middle finger sticking up is the only finger left on the hand! Chucky snickers. Leatherface groans. Michael and Jason laugh their asses off at the antics between Freddy and Pinhead and between Chucky and Leatherface!

Freddy Krueger: "Okay, let's settle this now. I've lost the game of Poker a couple times and have died before. So have you. Okay?"

Pinhead: "Whatever."

-Leatherface, now even more hungry, looks around and spots Michael's refrigerator. He leaves the Poker table, goes up to the fridge, and without the courtesy of asking Michael, he just opens it to see if there's anything good in it.

Michael Myers: "Oh, by the way, Leatherface, you can just wonder off and check my refrigerator anytime you want."
Leatherface: "Yeah...thanks. Say, what's there to eat?

Michael Myers: "Oh, there should be some chicken, steak, and rice in there, as well as cheeses and meats for sandwiches. And, there's also leftover Chinese takeout. Why, don't you like to eat good, healthy food like regular people do?

Leatherface: "No, it's not that..."

Michael Myers: "Oh, that's right. It's that you are a cannibalistic freak that only likes to eat people. Oh, how could I forget!"

-Leatherface groans.

Pinhead: "Still hungry? Ready for something that screams?"

Leatherface: "like you?"

Pinhead: "Oh, now your resorting to eating yourself? It's sad enough that you eat people, but that is just ridiculous!"

Freddy Krueger: "Actually, what's ridiculous is that it took me four rounds of Poker to finally win! I won with a Royal Flush!"

-Freddy gladly reveals his cards to be a Royal Flush.

Pinhead: "Argh! No!"

Freddy Krueger: "Argh! Yes!"

-Everybody gives Freddy $100 dollars. As they do...

 

Leatherface: "I'm out for the count, again."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, at least I won one game."

Chucky: "Damn. "Well, I finally get to transport my soul to Andy Barkley!"

Leatherface: "Or, what's left of him in your hands!"

-Chucky looks at the remains of the arm he snatched from Leatherface.

Chucky: "No! You didn't. I had finally found Andy! How could you?"

Leatherface: "I was hungry and found no one on the way."

-Chucky freaks out!

Chucky: "You...you...you stupid son of a bitch!"

-Chucky jumps across the table and attacks Leatherface! Meanwhile, darkness fell into the room, and Pinhead slowly disappeared into it as he walks away with his head slumped. Before the lights go back on, they hear him mutter one more classic line.

Pinhead: "I'll be back! I always come back! But, losing is such a bitch!"

Chucky: "Hey, that's my line! Well, most of it is..."

-Leatherface attacks Chucky and they break through the front door of Michael's pad. Michael goes to his entrance.

Michael Myers: "Hey Chucky, those bids I promised you...forget it! It's paying for my door!"

Jason Voorhees: "Why must every Poker night always end in a brawl and a broken door?"

Michael Myers: "I guess it's the pressure. How many other horror icons have as many as four movies in their own series and are still up and running?"

Jason Voorhees: "Good point."

Michael Myers: "But, you what's funny? Freddy may have a bigger rivalry with Pinhead, than he does with you. Hell, they are the only horror icons that talk on and on endlessly in their movies!"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. We get to have more fun!"

-THE END