Episode Three

-Jason and Michael are watching "Bride of Chucky." Chucky's classic line near the end of the movie is heard before his shot and killed ("I'll be back! I always come back! But, dying is such a bitch!").

Jason Voorhees: "That is so true. Dying IS a bitch!" I must have died like a dozen times before."

Michael Myers: "That's funny. I have yet to die, myself. And, you've died about twelve times?"

Jason Voorhees: "Last time I've checked."

Michael Myers: "Then, if you die one more time, that would a personal record for you."

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, that's right! But, I don't want to die in my next film."

-Michael snickers to himself.

Michael Myers: "Why not?"

Jason Voorhees: "You know why."

-Michael Myers snickers to himself again.

Michael Myers: "No, really. Why?"

-Jason snickers to Michael.

Jason Voorhees: "Because, if I die, then 'ol bastart son of 100 crazy souls' would win our personal grudge match, and I would be embarrased. I can't let that happen, can I?

-Michael snickers again.

Michael Myers: "Oh, I don't know about that!"

-Jason snickers to Michael.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah? Well, fuck off Captain Kirk!"

-Michael finally stops snickering.

Michael Myers: "Seriously though...I want you to win. I know that you can defeat Freddy. I have my money on you."

Jason Voorhees: "Really? Or, are you just saying that?"

Michael Myers: "No, really. In the film, Freddy brainwashes you right?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah..."

Michael Myers: "And, he pits you in a nightmare challenging you, right?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah..."

Michael Myers: "Then, you have to be mad as hell if he has the nerve to do that!"

Jason Voorhess: "Yeah! That's right. And, at one point, he asks me 'Why won't you die?!' !"

Michael Myers: "Exactly. I'm sure that you will be able to rebound from that nightmare and brutalize him! He doesn't stand a chance in the real world, anyway."

-Jason is getting really psyched!

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I'd brutalize him all over the place!"

-Jason calms down.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah...you know, for a guy that's died a dozen times, I just gotta ask: "What is it like to survive just about everything?"

Michael Myers: "Well, being able to survive everything...it's actually kind of boring. I've been through seven films where I just walk around briskly and kill people, all of which don't stand a chance against me...it becomes a routine pretty quickly. Personally, I always hoped that Jamie Lee Curtis would finally get me...but Moustapha Akkad resorted to desperation and had me kill her off shamefully. What a shame."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, that is a shame. But, what about Busta Rhymes? He kicked your ass in "Halloween: Resurrection!" And, there was Tommy Doyle in..."

Michael Myers: "Jason, as far Busta Rhymes is concerned, trust me, you don't want to go there! And, as for Tommy Doyle, I actually kind of respected that beating. For once, someone, other than that annoying Dr. Loomis guy, came to his senses, realized my true evil roots, and did something about it."

Jason Voorhees: "Well, that's cool, I guess. Oh, watch for the last part in the movie. You don't want miss it! Wait, we have...the end credits are already rolling. How long were we just bickering?"

Michael Myers: "About three minutes I guess. Why? What's so special about the ending?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well, that cop who's gun, the girl grabbed to shoot Chucky with...stumbled onto Tiffany's body...and suddenly, she gets into labor leaving the cop's face all blood...and a baby hatches out of her womb, only to go after the screaming cop!"

Michael Myers: "Eww! An unusual ending for an otherwise unusual and enjoyable movie. This is a definately a standout "Chucky" movie. I can say that."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah!"

Michael Myers: "And Ronny Yu, director of "Freddy vs. Jason..."

-Jason turns to Michael in a threatening manner.

-Michael turns to Jason in an even more threatening manner.

-Jason turns back to his regular manner.

Michael Myers: "Jason, that's getting really old."

-Jason shrugs to himself.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I guess."

Michael Myers: "And, anyway, your movie with Freddy is made by the guy who made 'Bride of Chucky'?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yep."

Michael Myers: "Wow. No wonder you're so psyched for "Freddy vs. Jason!" With crazy and well-focused directing like that, I have a really good feeling about your movie with Freddy."

Jason Voorhees: "And, you didn't before?"

Michael Myers: "Oh, I did. Before, I was just psyched that you and Freddy would finally get to face off on the big-screen. Now that I know that there's a wise hand guiding the movie, I'm even more psyched about it."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, Ronny Yu really does know his way around the camera. He also has Freddy's storyline and my storyline combined in a clever way for the sake of the film's story."

Michael Myers: "That's cool. Care to say how?"

Jason Voorhees: "I wish I could buddy, but I can't. Ronny told me, Freddy, and the rest of the cast, not to spoil anything vital about the movie."

Michael Myers: "You sure?"

Jason Voorhees: "Like I said, I wish I could, but..."

Michael Myers: "Oh, come on. I'm Michael Myers! I never speak a word. Who am I going to tell?"

Jason Voorhees: "Well...okay. It goes like this..."

-A "Knock!" is heard at the door.

Chucky: "Yo, Freddy, Jason, Michael, you guys there?"

-Jason and Michael both snicker to eachother!

Jason Voorhees: "It's Chucky! Let's pretend we're not here!

-Michael Myers: "Yeah!"

Chucky: "Come on guys, I know you're here. Michael's Corvette is parked right in front of your pad."

Jason and Michael: "He, he, he, he!"

Chucky: "Hey, I hear you guys snickering in there! Come on, let me in."

Jason Voorhees: "It is so much fun to playing around with Chucky!"

Michael Myers: "Yeah, it is!"

Chucky: "Come on, you fuckheads! Let me in! I got some good fuckin' news to tell ya!"

Michael Myers: "That's enough. Let's let "Tiny Tears" in, already.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah! He, he, he!

-Jason opens the door to their pad and lets Chucky in.

Chucky: "You guys are so fucking unbelievable, you know that?!"

Jason and Michael: "He, he, he, he!"

-Chucky looks around their pad ignoring their snickering.

Chucky: "Hey, where the hell is Freddy?"

-Michael Myers: "Oh, he's out teaching Ghostface a lesson."

Chucky: "Ghostface? From the "Scream" movies?"

-Jason Voorhees: "Yeah. He's been prank-calling us the last couple of days. You know, those annoying "What's up?!" and "What's your favorite scary movie?" questions with that eerie and threatening voice."

Chucky: "What's up his ass?"

Michael Myers: "He's frustrated that Wes Craven won't make anymore "Scream" movies. He's jealous that Jason, Freddy, and I, still have our own continuous series' to play in.

Chucky: "How can that be? That stupid and short-lived "hip, scary, and cool" fad ended with 'Valentine'!"

Jason: "Yeah, but he's too naive to realize that."

Michael Myers: "Of all things, he's really frustrated that Freddy got to be in at least seven movies, while he was only able to do three."

Chucky: "Well, it is his fucking problem. His movies sucked ass, anyway! What's Freddy going to do?"

Jason Voorhees: "If I didn't know better, Freddy is going to pit him in a ghastly nightmare that he will never forget."

Chucky: "Oh, hell fuckin' yeah!"

Michael Myers: "So, what's this good news you have to share?"

Chucky: "Actually, I have none. I only said that go get in."

Michael Myers: "Oh, okay..."

Chucky: "Say, got any fuckin' beer on the house?"

Michael Myers: "Of course! Hey Jason, get all of us some beer!"

Jason Voorhees: "Okay!"

-Jason starts walking off to get some beer, then stops.

Jason Voorhees: "What kind?"

Michael Myers: "Molson Ice."

Chucky: "Get me Heiniken!"

Jason: "Okay!"

-Jason runs off to get the beer!

Michael Myers: "So, how are you doing?"

Chucky: "Same old, same old."

Michael Myers: "How are you and Tiffany holding up?"

Chucky: "Same old, same old. We fight, we fuck, we fight, we fuck, we fight again, and we fuck once more. God, I love her!"

-Jason comes back with the beers.

Jason Voorhees: "So, what's this I hear about fighting and fucking?"

Michael Myers: "Oh, it's Chucky's relationship with Tiffany. Sounds pretty hot."

Chucky: "It's hot, but I can't say that there isn't any trouble in paradise."

Michael Myers: "I guess that's where the fighting comes in."

Chucky: "Actually, it's the fighting that I like so much. It gives us a reason to fuck afterwards!"

Jason Voorhees: "Sounds pretty kinky!"

Chucky: "It is. Well, it was. Tiffany was pretty wild when we first met during the production of "Bride of Chucky," but she's becoming too soft for me."

Michael Myers: "Too soft?"

Chucky: "She isn't the wildcat she used to be. She's becoming too...Martha Stewart-ish."

Michael Myers: "Oh, I see. Too tame."

Chucky: "Yeah. She's grinding down my style, and I am thinking of breaking up with her."

Jason Voorhees: "Breaking up? After all that fucking?!"

Chucky: "Hey, there's more to life than just fucking! As great as she in bed, I don't have that much fun anymore. She doesn't like that I kill people so much. She's trying to get me to stop."

Michael Myers: "So, it's a tight situation then."

Chucky: "Not only that, she's pregnant."

Michael Myers: "Pregnant? You know, that's not such a bad thing. Personally, I think you should think all of this through. You got a faithful woman, and she's pregnant with your child. You should be proud of yourself. You have yourself a family, buddy. Consider all that you have in front of you. I'm sure you can work things out with Tiff. You have before."

Chucky: "You got a point. But, it's not so easy to decide."

Michael Myers: "Well, I'll give you better word for thought then. Anyway, what is the status of ''Seed of Chucky?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah! I want to know, too. We just watched "Bride of Chucky" and really enjoyed it."

Chucky: "Well, we got a great and hilarious script going for it..."

Jason and Michael: "Yeeaah..."

Chucky: "...but the fuckin' Head of Universal and its fuckin' executives won't do the movie at all!"

Jason and Michael: "Whaaatt?!"

Chucky: "Yeah! This bitchy woman, who's now the fuckin' Head of Universal, won't make the movie, because she doesn't like horror movies!"

Jason Voorhees: "That sucks!"

Michael Myers: "Totally!"

Chucky: "And, the fuckin' Universal executives aren't thrilled with the script. It is more comedy-oriented than "Bride of Chucky," but it has more of the fun of that fourth entry that horror fans and mainstream audiences liked so much. They're unable to realize that this is the kind of "Chucky" movie audiences want."

Jason Voorhees: "That sucks so much!"

Chucky: "But, there's more to it than that. You know how Paramount Pictures is ashamed of your "Friday The 13th" series, Jason?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah..."

Chucky: "Universal may be ashamed of my "Child's Play" series, as well."

Jason Voorhees: "Now, that sucks balls!"

Chucky: "So, basically, I don't know where my series stands right now."

Michael Myers: "Wow, and I thought I had it bad."

Chucky: "Yep. Well, excuse me boys and girls. I have to go."

Jason Voorhees: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Chucky: "What? I said that I have to go. I have to go to the bathroom."

Michael Myers: "I'm sorry, Chucky. I don't think I heard you right."

Chucky: "I said I have to go. I have to take a piss. Are you two fuckheads deaf?"

Jason and Michael: "No..."

Chucky: "Oh. Oh, I see. Just because my soul is trapped in this doll, you two fuckheads think I don't have to go to the bathroom and do everyday stuff like regular people do."

-Jason and Michael snicker to themselves!

Jason and Michael: "He, he, he, he, argh!"

Chucky: "Well, very fuckin' funny. Just for the record, just as I am able to fuck Tiffany any time I fuckin' want, I am able eat and jerk off, too! And, I have to piss and take shits too. Now, excuse me."

-Chucky starts toward the bathroom.

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, go ahead 'Betsy Wetsy'!"

-Chucky stops in his tracks.

Chucky: "Betsy Wetsy?! One of those old functional dolls? Fuck off, Jason!"

Michael Myers: "Why are you so chatty "Chatty Cathy" if you have to go to the bathroom so badly?"

-Jason snickers at Michael's sharp reply!

Jason Voorhees: "He, he, he, he!"

Chucky: "Ha, ha, ha! You two fuckheads are very funny. Now, if you excuse me..."

Michael Myers: "Tiny Tears!"

Jason Voorhees: "Patty Playpal!"

Chucky: "Oh, go fuck yourselves!"

-Chucky storms into the bathroom and slams the door.

Jason Voorhees: "Chucky is so much fun to play around with!"

Michael Myers: "Yeah. He is quite a character."

-A "Knock!" is heard at the door of their pad.

Stephen: "Hey Dad!"

Michael Myers: "Stephen!"

Jason Voorhees: "Stephen? You didn't tell me your son was coming."

Michael Myers: "Hey, I didn't know either. Must be a surprise visit."

-Michael opens the door to their pad to see his son, Stephen at the entrance.

Stephen: "Daaa...Boogeyman?! No! Aaaahhh!!"

-Stephen starts running away from their pad thinking that Michael Myers/the boogeyman is going to kill him.

Michael Myers: "Darn it! Forgot to take my mask off!"

-Michael Myers takes off his white-sprayed Captain Kirk mask revealing his smooth, hansom, and unscarred face. He catches up with Stephen.

Michael Myers: "It's okay, Stephen. It's me."

Stephen: "Then, why were you wearing that freaky mask that, that loony who's killed most of our family, wears?"

Michael Myers: "Well...it is close to Halloween, isn't it?"

Stephen: "It's four months away."

Michael Myers: "Exactly, and I do things methodically!"

Stephen: "Oh...that's right...Dad!"

-Stephen hugs Michael and cries.

Stephen: "A second ago, I was so scared. I thought that the boogeyman finally found me!"

Michael Myers: "Don't worry son, as long as you're with me, your safe."

-Michael and Stephen walk back to his pad. Michael snickers to himself realizing the sad irony of the situation.

Michael Myers: "So, why did you come over on such short notice?

Stephen: "I really wanted to see you. I miss you so much."

Michael Myers: "So have I, son."

-Michael and Stephen walk back into the pad. Stephen sees Jason.

Stephen: "Uncle Jason!"

-Stephen runs up to hug Jason,

Jason Voorhees: "Hey little buddy! How are you?"

Stephen: "I've seen "Jason X." It was so awesome!"

Jason Voorhees: "That's nice, but how did you see that? You're just a kid."

Stephen: "I can be very sneaky when I have to."

Jason Voorhees: "Just like your old man? It must run in the family."

Stephen: "Or, what's left of it."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah...what can I say? You must be my #1 fan."

Stephen: "Yeah!"

Michael Myers: "Hey Stephen, your Uncle Jason and I have company over. You wouldn't mind going into the next room to play some Playstation 2 for a few minutes, would ya?"

Stephen: "Not at all!"

-Stephen starts walking towards the next room where the Playstation 2 is. At the same time, Chucky comes out of the bathroom unnoticed and sees Stephen walking by...

Chucky: "What the fuck..."

-seizing the opportunity, Chucky flops down to the floor as if he was real lifeless doll. Stephen sees the flopped doll...

Stephen: "Cool...a Good Guy doll!"

-Stephen drags Chucky into the next room.

Jason Voorhees: "Say, your face looks a lot better, Mike.

Michael Myers: "Thanks."

Jason Voorhees: "No more scars or burns. You look good. Finally found a plastic surgeon that could help you?"

Michael Myers: "Yep. I had to dig deep to find this one."

Jason Voorhees: "It probably cost a fortune too."

Michael Myers: "More than you want to know."

Jason Voorhees: "How much money was it?"

Michael Myers: "You really want to know?"

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah!"

Michael Myers: "Okay...It was..."

Chucky: "Oday Tomay Dumbala, give me the power I beg of you..."

Jason Voorhees: "What the hell was that?"

Michael Myers: "If I didn't no better, that would be the voodoo Chucky uses to transport his soul from body to body..."

Jason: "And, I think he is trying to transport his soul from that Good Guy doll to the body of your son..."

-Jason and Michael burst into the next room and interupt Chucky's voodoo. Jason gets Stephen out of harms way. Michael grabs Chucky by the end of his overalls leaving him dangling in the air.

Jason Voorhees: "Hey, Stephen, you okay?"

Stephen: "Yeah..."

Michael Myers: "Hey little buddy, just what are you up to?"

Chucky: "Nothing. Just an harmless game of 'Hide The Soul'."

Michael Myers: "Yeah, and I suppose that you're not going to try to transport your soul from that Good Guy doll to my son's body. Sorry Chucky, I saw 'Child's Play 2'!"

Chucky: "Well, fuck you, you prettyface! And you too, Jason!"

Michael Myers: "Hey, don't use that language around my son!"

Chucky: "I'll use any langauge I want around anybody."

-Chucky tries to punch Michael, but he can't reach him. Michael is holding Chucky by his overalls with his right outstretched arm, high in the air, so Chucky is just dangling there punching the air around him. Jason and Michael laugh their asses off!

Jason and Michael: "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, argh!"

Michael Myers: "Honestly Chucky, were you really that desperate to transport your soul?"

Chucky: "Yes. Do you know how hard it is to find work at a height less than that of a midget?"

Michael Myers: "No, I didn't, but I do now that your ass is going to be kicked out my pad right now!"

-Michael kicks Chucky out of his pad. As Chucky is kicked away...

Chucky: "I'll be back! I always come back! But..."

-Jason finishes Chucky's sentence.

Jason Voorhees: "...Being a fuckhead is such a bitch!"

-Michael closes the door to his pad.

Michael Myers: "I can't believe that Chucky had the nerve to do that. He must really be desperate."

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, but I thought you would have been more angry at Chucky, though."

Michael Myers: "Naturally, I would have, but when you consider who Stephen's mother was, and what my personal mission in life is..."

-Michael snickers to Jason

Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I see what you mean."

-Jason snickers to Michael. Jason and Michael go back to the next room to check up on Stephen. Stephen is okay.