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Jason Voorhees: "I'm tired. All of today's shooting for "Freddy vs. Jason," or "Jason vs. Freddy" as it really should
be called, has me drained. Want to watch a movie?"
Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, that would be nice. Let's watch..."
Jason
Voorhees: "Friday The 13th!"
Freddy Krueger: "No, 'A Nightmare on Elm..."
Jason Voorhees: "Friday The 13th Part
2!"
Freddy Krueger: "No, 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's..."
Jason Voorhees: "Please no! Not that "Nightmare"
movie!
Freddy Krueger: "What's wrong with my 'Revenge'?"
Jason Voorhees: "You know, I don't want to get into
this right now. We fight every day after shooting over what movie to watch."
Freddy Krueger: "Yeah, whatever 'Mr. Freddy
vs Jason should be changed to Jason vs. Freddy'."
Jason Voorhees: "Well, it should!"
Freddy Krueger: "What about
me? I've been out of work for almost 10 years. Besides, I have the prominant role in the movie. I do brainwash you in it,
after all.
Jason Voorhees: "That doesn't mean anything."
Freddy Krueger: "Yes, it does!"
Jason Voorhees:
"I'm the one who does more of the "work" in it."
Freddy Krueger: "That's what you want to think, you momma's boy!"
Jason
Voorhees: "Momma's boy?! At least my mom isn't a whore who had it with 100 bastard souls in a crazy house! You're the bastard
son of..."
Freddy Krueger: "You know that isn't exactly how it went. Now, you've gone too far!"
-Freddy Krueger
is about to attack Jason when there's a slam at the door of thier pad - "Slam!"
Jason Voorhees: "What the hell was
that?"
-another "Slam!" is heard at the door
Freddy Krueger: "That might be Michael. I think he said that he
was going to have a board meeting with Moustapha Akkad and Dimension Video this morning."
-One more "Slam!" is heard
at the door and the door crumbles and as a figure walks in...Michael Myers (!) walks in an angry huff.
Freddy Krueger:
"Yep, he definitely had a meeting with those greedy bastards."
Jason Voorhees: "You know, you could have had the decency
to open the..."
Michael Myers: "Don't mess with me right now. I've had it with Moustapha Akkad and Dimension Video!"
Freddy
Krueger: "What are they up to now?"
Michael Myers: "I don't want to talk about it."
Jason Voorhees: "You never
want to talk about it..."
Freddy Krueger: "Shut up, Jason. Okay, seriously, what are Mr. Akkad and Dimension planning
to do to your series now?"
Michael Myers: "It's not so much what they want to do it, but what they've already done
to it that is bothering me."
Freddy Krueger: "I see...Jason, get all of us some beers."
Jason Voorhees: "Sure!"
-Jason
starts walking off to get the beers
Freddy Krueger: "And, get some Cuban Cigars while at it."
Jason Voorhees:
"Hell yeah!"
-Jason runs off to get the beers and Cuban cigars.
Freddy Krueger: "So, what happened at the board
meeting?"
Michael Myers: "Well..."
Jason Voorhees: "What kind of beers? Heiniken, Molson Ice, or Budweiser?
Freddy
Krueger: "How about Budweiser?"
Jason Voorhees: "Yeeaah."
Michael Myers: "No, Molson Ice!"
Freddy Krueger:
"Hey Jason, make that Molson Ice instead!"
Jason Voorhees: "Okay!"
Freddy Krueger: "So, what are those greedy
bastards up to now?"
Michael Myers: "Actually, they're not sure what to do with the "Halloween" any more. After the
panning of "Halloween: Resurrection" by the critics and many of the fans, they're trying to be very careful in how they approach
"Halloween 9." However, there's been so many false rumors made about a ninth "Halloween" film, they are at loss what to do
next for the series.
Freddy Krueger: "What about Moustapha Akkad? He's always had many tricks up his sleeve."
Michael
Myers: "I'm beginning to think that Akkad thinks that I'm literally mute. I keep telling him that he has to back to old roots
of the series, like the loose end with Tommy Doyle and the loose end with John Tate, but he refuses to listen. Of course,
"H20" and "Resurrection" ignore "Halloween" 4 through 6, but those loose ends and condricting plotholes can be corrected.
I know. I am the boogeyman, after all!
-Jason comes back with the beer and Cuban cigars
Jason Voorhees: "So,
what's up with "Halloween 9," man?
Michael Myers: "There aren't any official plans with "Halloween 9" yet. Dimension
and Akkad are at loss what to do with the next entry."
Jason Voorhees: "What about your nephew, John? You still have
get him.
Michael Myers: "Oh, I know that, but Akkad doesn't. He won't listen to me anymore. The cha-ching has got to
his head. He only seems to be going for gimicks these days. He's forgetting what's left of the true roots of the series: John
Tate and Stephen, my son. Sooner or later, I have to catch up with them. I mean, I love those little buggers, but I have a
job to do.
Jason Voorhees: "Yep. Oh, how is Stephen doing, actually? That bugger hasn't come up to see his "Uncle Jason"
for quite some time.
Michael Myers: "Oh, he's doing good. He's turning 8 next week!"
Jason Voorhees: "That's
cool. Well, you better get your series up and running soon. I get my best moves from you!"
-Michael turns to Jason
in a threatening manner
Jason Voorhees: "But, seriously though, I think that your series is great. Besides, if it weren't
for you, I wouldn't be here! I would still be rotting at the bottom of Crystal Lake."
Freddy Krueger: "And, my soul
would never have entered the dreamworld of Elm Street teenagers. Thanks a bunch!"
Michael Myers: "Say, what's up with
'Freddy vs. Jason' ?"
-Jason turns to Michael in a threatening manner
Michael Myers: "Or, 'Jason vs. Freddy'
?"
Freddy Krueger: "Well, it's trailers have been previewed before the likes of such films as "The Matrix Reloaded,"
"2 Fast 2 Furious," and as well as "Dumb and Dumberer," so that should be good for marketing so far. Plus, there is still
2 months of summer movies to come out before, ahem, FREDDY vs. Jason, so we should be safe.
Michael Myers: "That's
good."
Freddy Krueger: "There has also already been test-screenings, and there's been nothing but positive reactions
so far."
Michael Myers: "Great."
Freddy Krueger: "But, it doesn't take a positive test-screening for me to know
that, ahem, "FREDDY vs. Jason" will do good. I know it will do good!
Jason Voorhees: "Oh boy, here's arrogant Freddy
again..."
Freddy Krueger: "Oh, shut up, you momma's boy!"
-Michael laughs his ass his off
Michael Myers:
"You guys crack me up!" Anyway, has 'Freddy vs. Jason'..."
-Jason turns to Michael in a threatening manner
-Michael
turns back to Jason in a more threatening manner
-Jason turns back to his regular manner
Michael Myers: "Anyway,
has "Freddy vs. Jason" been rated yet by the dreadful MPAA?"
Freddy vs. Jason: "Not yet, but the eventual cuts shouldn't
be seriously bad. Ronny Yu made the movie's action violent and gory enough. I wish I could say that I knew it will pass by
the MPAA without problems, but you never know with the MPAA."
Jason Voorhees: "Yeah, I know. They cut my movies to
shreds. There's also that movie "Darkness Falls." That editing-room disaster wasn't due to the MPAA, was it?"
Michael
Myers: "Nope. It was the studio that screwed up that movie. The director planned the movie out like an R-rated, 105-minute,
creepy, atmospheric, and scary horror flick about the tooth fairy. That's how it should have stayed, anyway. But, the studio
thought that if it was PG-13, like the successful PG-13 flick, "The Ring," it would make more money. So, they cut it to a
75-minute monster movie with mostly cheap scares and minimal story and character development." "Darkness Falls" would have
been a classic if it wasn't for the greedy studio behind it."
Jason Voorhees: "I hate it when they do that to potential
movies. I was glad that "Final Destination 2" and "House of 1000 Corpses," and "Wrong Turn" survived the wrath of the MPAA.
"Final Destination 2" had some pretty gory effects, "House of 1000 Corpses was cut, but was still reasonably gory and fun,
and "Wrong Turn" was still a pretty gruesome and hard-to-take movie."
Freddy Krueger: "So true. However, the only problem
with "Wrong Turn" is that it was released very limitedly in theaters. I hate it when that happens to potential movies. The
next possibly potential movie, before "Freddy vs. Jason" of course, is "Cabin Fever." That looks pretty good if ask me."
Jason
Voorhees: "Yeah, that one looks good. Hope that makes it by the MPAA, that is if it is an actually gory and violent movie.
Its trailer is never clear on what the source of evil is, whether it is a slasher of some sort, or a supernatural being. I
like it when movie trailers, like that of "Cabin Fever"'s, are mysterious and leave you wondering."
Michael Myers:
"Yeah. Anyway, all this horror talk is leaving me hungry for a movie to watch."
Jason Voorhees: "Like 'Friday The..."
Freddy
Krueger: "Or, 'A Nightmare on Elm Street"
Michael Myers: "No, more like..."The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
Freddy
and Jason: "Yeah!"
-Freddy, Jason, and Michael all go off to see the oringal 1974 classic, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"!
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