Human Nature II

INT. BAR - NIGHT

A BARTENDER is standing at the bar by himself. At a table to
the left of him is a group of about FIVE WOMEN. the
bartender is watching boxing on the T.V above the bar. Then,
A MAN walks into the bar. This man is ED ROBINS. Ed is in
his mid-40's. He walks over to the bar and sits on a stool.
He snaps his fingers to get the bartenders attention. The
bartender then walks over to Ed.

                       ED
Hello kind bartender, could I
please get the most expensive
glass of scotch you got?


                       BARTENDER
Sure thing sir.


The bartender then walks over to the other side of the bar
and begins to make Ed's drink. After a while, the bartender
walks back over to Ed and places the glass of scotch onto
the table on top of a coaster.

                       BARTENDER
That'll be about thirty dollars.


                       ED
      (suprised)
Thirty fuckin dollars?..
      (pulls out wallet)
Well, It is a special occasion.


Ed pulls out a fifty dollar bill from his wallet and hands
it to the bartender.

                       BARTENDER
Be right back with your change.


Ed then picks up the glass and takes a sip of the scotch. Ed
puts it back on the bar and begins to watch the T.V. While
the bartender is taking change out of a cash register, he
looks at Ed.

                       BARTENDER
      (to Ed)
Excuse me...sir?


                       ED
Yeah?

                       BARTENDER
If you don't mind, could you put
the glass back on the coaster
please?


                       ED
Oh yes, im sorry.


Ed puts the glass back on the coaster and continues to watch
the T.V. The bartender comes back to Ed and hands him some
money.

                       BARTENDER
Out of fifty dollars, eighteen
dollars and thirty-four cents is
your change.


                       ED
Wasn't the drink thirty bucks?


                       BARTENDER
Sales tax.


                       ED
Bars have sales tax?


                       BARTENDER
I don't know about the other bars,
but we have interest.


                       ED
If other bars have no sales tax,
and this one does, well then that
suprises the hell ot of me.


                       BARTENDER
We got sales tax 'cause the boss
is a real cheap ass.


                       ED
I see.


                       BARTENDER
So...whats the special occasion
friend?


                       ED
Business trip was a success.


                       BARTENDER
Whats the business?

                       ED
      (grinning)
If I told you, I'd have to kill
you.


The bartender lets out a slight chuckle.

                       BARTENDER
I don't know about you pal, but im
tired as fuck of that line.


                       ED
It was either that or "you can't
handle the truth"....You
understand.


A WOMAN from the group of women then gets up from her table
and walks over to Ed. She sits next to him. The woman is in
her early 20's, but is extremely fat and ugly.

                       WOMAN
Hey baby, hows your night going?


                       ED
Do I know you?


                       WOMAN
I hope not baby, because then it
wouldn't be as interesting.


                       ED
...Are you a hooker or something
of the sort?


                       WOMAN
Maybe.


                       BARTENDER
Roxanne here is probably the most
popular girl of the bunch over
from that there table.


The woman's name is ROXANNE.

                       ED
      (pointing to
       Roxanne)
...You mean that shes the most
popular? Are you joking me?


                       BARTENDER
Why you ask? Is she not your type?

                       ED
No, shes "my" type, but some
people are only into the
supermodel bitches...I thought I
was a loner, but you know, leave
it to texans.


                       BARTENDER
Are you making fun of Texas buddy?


                       ED
No, don't worry, don't worry. All
in good fun.
      (To roxanne)
So, how much you cost for a night?


                       ROXANNE
It matters...You are back from a
business trip, aren't you sweetie?


                       ED
Yes I am.


                       ROXANNE
What kind of business?


                       ED
My business includes-
      (to bartender)
Oh, could you get roxanne here
a...


                       ROXANNE
Rum cannonball.


                       ED
A rum cannonball please?


                       BARTENDER
Sure thing.


The bartender goes over to the other side of the bar and
begins to make a drink.

                       ROXANNE
But, what business are you in
baby?

                       ED
My business is...Ok, for example,
two hours ago, I stabbed this
really preppy girl in the chest
with a corkscrew, and played with
her intestines...


The bartender hears this and all of a sudden stops making
the drink.

                       ED
      (continuing)
I'd been planning it for about two
months, and Im finally got her...
      (chuckling)
Oh, and the thing is...
      (whispers into
       Roxanne's ear)
I keep her head on a plate above
my fireplace as a trophy.


Roxanne and Ed then burst out laughing. After a while, Ed
stops laughing.

                       ED
      (to bartender)
Hey! Buddy, wheres the lady's rum
cannonball?


The bartender then quickly finishes up the drink. As he puts
the bottle back, he presses a button under the bar. The
bartender then brings the drink over to Ed. He places it on
the bar.

                       ED
No coaster?


                       BARTENDER
You don't need one for the rum
cannonball...No, wait, we ran out
of them too.


                       ED
      (smiling at
       bartender)
I guess that we're just lucky then
aren't we?


Roxanne then begins to drink her rum cannonball. The
bartender then tries to walk around the bar casually while
looking at Ed. Ed is also drinking his scotch. The bartender
watches Ed as he drinks, and puts down his glass of scotch.

                       ED
You got a thing for men buddy?


                       BARTENDER
What?


                       ED
Why are you watching me, and
everything I do?


                       BARTENDER
I want to see you enjoy your
drink.


                       ROXANNE
      (disgusted)
Watch me, because im not enjoying
mine... Christ, did you jerk off
into the cup while making it?


                       BARTENDER
      (obviously trying
       to sound casual)
No Roxanne, the drink is quite
"sperm free".


Roxanne then begins to laugh hysterically. As she is
laughing, Ed grins at the bartender. The bartender
uncomfortably tries to look away, but can't help seeing Ed
staring at him.

                       ED
      (to bartender)
You don't look that comfortable
buddy, you need some fresh air?


                       BARTENDER
No im fine.


                       ROXANNE
      (to Ed)
Hey! Has everyone forgot about me!


                       ED
      (to Roxanne)
Shut the fuck up, okay? Bartender
man here needs some fresh air.


                       BARTENDER
No, I really don't.


Ed then stands up.

                       ED
      (to bartender)
Let's go for a walk.


                       BARTENDER
Trust me sir, I really don't need
to go for a walk. Plus, I can't
leave my post here.


                       ED
Relax, if anyone takes your beer,
I'll pay you for them.


                       BARTENDER
      (frusterated)
I don't want to go for a walk!


Ed then walks up to Roxanne's back and puts a gun to her
head.

                       ROXANNE
      (sick)
Ohhhhhh, that rum cannonball is
kicking in already.


                       ED
      (to bartender)
You don't think I know the cops
are on their way?


                       BARTENDER
I didn't do anything!


                       ED
Bullshit!


Police sirens are heard. Ed gives the bartender a big smile.

                       ED
So...you were saying?


                       BARTENDER
That's probably a ambulance.


                       ROXANNE
      (to self)
Gonna throw up.


                       ED
Pal, all I wanted was a drink, and
a nice big fat fuck-o-thon for the
night. I just had one of the best
acomplishments of my life, and you
            (MORE)

                       ED (cont'd)
have to fuck up my entire fucking
party, for my fucking qoal, that
took me two fucking months, to
fucking reach!


                       BARTENDER
Well im sorry, ok?


                       ED
Sorry doesn't work for me.


                       ROXANNE
      (sick)
Oh shit, here it comes.


Roxanne then grabs a glass and vomits into it. Right as she
does it, Ed reaches across the bar and grabs the bartender
by the head. Ed smashes the glass with the bartenders face.
He lifts the bartenders face up, showing vomit, and a large
shard of glass stuck in the bartenders eye. Ed then points
his gun at the bartenders head and shoots. Blood sprays onto
the glasses of alcohol behind the bartender.

                       ROXANNE
      (drunk)
Heh, he had it coming.


                       ED
So do you, you fat fuck.


Ed then shoots Roxanne in the back of the head. The group of
girls at the table begin to scream and run out of the front
door. For a while, Ed just stands around and looks at the
two dead bodies.

                       ED
      (looking at
       Roxanne)
...Aw fuck it.


Ed grabs Roxanne's right breast. Right as he does it, a
police officer walks into the bar.

                       OFFICER
      (to bartender)
Ok Phil, whats the proble..


The officer then stops walking. He stares at Ed and begins
to reach for his gun.

                       ED
..Hey...you sure you want to do
that?

                       OFFICER
Im leaning towards the
possibility.


                       ED
...I'll make it easier to you, I
bet you a million bucks that my
gun is empty.


                       OFFICER
I'll take that bet, right after I
shoot you in the face.


                       ED
Try it.


The officer then quickly pulls out his gun, but Ed shoots
him in the hand. The officer screams and grabs his hand.

                       ED
I guess I lost.


Ed then points the gun at the officer and pulls the trigger.
The gun is empty. The officer then quickly shoots Ed in the
stomach.

                       ED
      (laughing)
Ah! Oh, you suck!


The officer then walks over to Ed and handcuffs him.

                       OFFICER
Your going away for life you
dickhead.


                       ED
      (holding back
       laughs)
Im telling you know, your going to
regret this.


                       OFFICER
Whatever, you dipshit.



INT. JAIL CELL - DAY

Ed is standing in a jail cell as the sliding door is closed.
He is wearing a orange jumpsuit. A PRISONER is in the cell
with him, laying down on a bunk-bed. Ed then sits against
the wall.

                       ED
Im just going to tell you this
friend, you try to stick your dick
in my mouth im gonna bite it off.


                       PRISONER
Im not going to try anything.
      (getting up)
Say, whats your name?


                       ED
You can call me Ed, whats your
name buddy?


                       PRISONER
Call me Prisoner.


                       ED
...Fine, fine.


                       PRISONER
How long you gonna be here Ed?


                       ED
Well, I've killed about one
hundred people over the course of
about fifteen years or so.


                       PRISONER
One hundred? How'd you even last
fifteen years?


                       ED
Im slick.


                       PRISONER
Shit, I only got some guy and his
sister.


                       ED
Why'd you kill 'em?


                       PRISONER
Did it for the thrill, man.


                       ED
Atleast I did it for a good cause,
Jesus Christ. You serial killers
without a cause piss me off.

                       PRISONER
Im sorry to inform you, but your
gonna be in a pissy mood for the
rest of your life.


                       ED
What do you mean "rest of your
life"?


                       PRISONER
You killed a hundered people, your
in for life.


                       ED
You seriously think Im going to
stay here? My god, you must not
know who I am.


                       PRISONER
Ok then, who are you?


                       ED
The beauty killer.


                       PRISONER
Don't know you.


                       ED
Shit, thats my old name. I meant
to say "The equalizer".


                       PRISONER
Oh, I think I heard about you.
You've been basically taunting the
police with bits of evidence and
letters.


                       ED
Yep, and because of the genuis I
am, they never caught me.


                       PRISONER
Think about where you are right
now. Sorry to inform you, but,
you've been caught.


                       ED
They know that I've killed a
bartender, and some hooker, but
not that im the equalizer.


                       PRISONER
Well, I know your the equalizer.

                       ED
Yeah, thats the point.


                       PRISONER
..Wait, your confusing me pal.


Ed then sticks his fingers down his throat. He quickly
begins to vomit.

                       PRISONER
God damnit! What the fuck are you
thinking?


Ed continues to vomit. Ed then forces himself to stop and
looks through the vomit. He then picks up a pen which is
lying in the vomit.

                       PRISONER
You ate a fuckin' pen?


                       ED
I did it for a good cause.


Ed then stands up and walks over to Prisoner.

                       ED
      (to self)
And now, the...penitrator.


Ed then stabs Prisoner in the eye. Prisoner begins to
breathe quickly and begins to shake. Ed throws Prisoner on
the ground and steps on the pen, which forces the pen to go
through the other side of Prisoner's head. Ed then walks to
the bed and lays down. A GUARD then walks over to Ed's cell.

                       GUARD
The penitrator?